Do you ever feel like you can't be a great mom or be entirely present in the family, and also be super ambitious at the same time? It almost feels like being selfless is part of the full-time job that being a mother is, and choosing yourself, choosing trips and opportunities that would better your career, etc, just aren't meant for the 'mom that's there'. Could I be thinking of this more positively, or is this just the truth of the matter?

Honestly, you put that in the right words. It's the truth of the matter, I feel. Sometimes I'm with my baby and I get a work email and the simple dilmma of do I stay present with my child or read and reply to this email because it's important to my career... and choosing the latter is big enough to feel like you aren't a good mom. It's so hard but I hope we all get to do it both - be the super mom and the boss woman at work!

My 3 year old had a meltdown this morning. I couldn't help her regulate until after I finished a call. It's rough.

It is the truth

It's the truth. Thats why it's best to have a 2nd parent. Try being a solo mom and full time. There's never enough time

I used to be way more ambitious and now I just keep feeling like I’m missing out on their childhood (mine are 4 & 6). At the same time, I can’t imagine being a SAHM. I think I’ve gotten to the point where I need to take a step back and go on a reduced schedule. I’m super close to senior manager and have a friend that just made partner as a mom of two younger than mine. I think either path can be fulfilling and either can be done with the right support. I have an MD working with me that I trust with guidance on juggling both that I plan to talk through this with. Hopefully you have a mentor or someone that can speak to their experience being a working mom.

I’m an MD on an 80% reduced schedule, and it works pretty well for me. My kids are 11 and 9 now. I chose MD over the partner path because it’s a bit less pressure and responsibilities, and I wanted more time at home with my family. My family comes first, but there are certainly times where I’m super busy and my husband steps up more. I think some of it is personality and energy levels… like some people can be go go go all the time to get it all done (I see this characteristic in many of the mom partners) and some people need more downtime.

We are human. We can only do so much at one time. I think it's true that if you prioritize your career, that your family life suffers. If you prioritize your family life, your career ambitions suffer. But imo your kids are only kids for a short about of time and you can always pursue career goals later in life, whereas you can't go back to your kid's childhood. For me personally, I plan on taking a pause in my career to focus on my kids because work is only a means to an end rather than my passion.

One is the cost for the other. You are correct, Corporate is not built for moms (worst of all public accounting). I admit I chose work and am not the best mom. Less than 100% is simply that, less and that’s what my family gets. Everyone has that choice, it’s hard to admit when we chose work instead of family/kids.

I was in a public company when I had my kids in 2008 and 2011 - in hindsight, I'd say if you can "coast" at work for the first 5 - 8 years (Yes, that's a long time) you can spend quality time with your family and hold onto your position, then go back to opportunity mode once they are a bit more independent. That's kind of what I ended up doing and it's actually been perfect for me. That said, I was never interested in climbing to the *top*.

It's the truth. You have to split your time and one side is always losing. You can always get another job, but you can revisit your kid's childhood.