Do you ever feel like you have to choose between being liked and being respected? I’ve noticed that when I’m warm, collaborative, and approachable, I get dismissed as “nice” but not necessarily taken seriously. But the second I speak up with authority or push back in a meeting, I get labeled “intense” or “too much.” It’s like we’re expected to thread this impossible needle—strong but not threatening, kind but not soft. Have you felt this too? How do you navigate that tightrope without losing yourself?

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Yes, it’s a constant balancing act. I try to stay grounded in what the moment calls for—assertiveness when needed, empathy when it matters—but I won’t shrink myself to make others comfortable. Respect and authenticity shouldn’t be mutually exclusive.

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A little of both will get you far. I’m naturally a really nice person, but I’m also a huge pushover. I’m still working on being firm when the time calls for it. People are always going to look at you in some type of way, figure out what works for you and don’t forget the boundaries or saying what needs said!

You have to be both, and just read the room. You can speak with authority and be collaborative. You can push back on an idea and still be approachable. I don’t find it difficult to balance and I don’t act a certain way to please or impress people. I am a kind person who is also passionate and intelligent, and that’s what shows to people I work with.

It's just a matter of knowing when to apply the trait required. You can be easygoing, but if you know when to be assertive, that will do you well. It helps to have some sense of humor at times, so even when you're being firm you're not too abrasive. It's a matter of tact. There's an old Churchill quote that tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell and have them looking forward to the trip. That's the model to keep in mind.

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