Does anyone compare their salary to their friends or family members as a gauge for judging your own success? My family has always been extremely competitive, and whoever has the biggest salary in the room is the winner. This is normal, right?

No. Because I know people who out earn me by thousands and they are the most miserable people on earth.

I do OK, I am comfortable, I have a paid off home. Am I rich? No. But I don’t have nearly the stresses some of my extremely high earning friends do. They have multiple mortgages, in some cases payments to ex spouses, and are freaking out about how they are going to retire, if ever. Sure, I make less money than they do, but I have I have none of those worries.

It also depends on how you save your money. I have family members who had modest careers who lived frugally and invested/saved well and wound up millionaires.

Comparison is the thief of joy and you never truly know a person‘s story. All that glitters….

Yeah no. For example my cousin teaches special needs kids and makes maybe a third of my salary but he is out there doing gods work, gets weekends and summers off and is never called to join a meeting after 4pm. Also his hot wife makes a six figure salary as at ad exec at Google. So really who is winning

Most people if not everyone subtly compares but it sounds like your family takes it to a whole new level. Ask yourself, when you say that whoever makes the most is the "winner", what exactly do they win? It sounds dumb and childish.

For us, provided you are taking care of your bills and finances without expecting a handout from others, you're successful. We share any tips and new findings for wealth building amongst ourselves, so anyone interested in such ventures can participate.
We want our family to do great, it doesn't matter who. If my sibling finds a breakthrough, be rest assured that they're calling everyone to share so we all can evaluate the opportunity and see if it something we're interested in. The wealthiest sibling amongst us has been pushing us to go into the business that made him a millionaire but we aren't interested because it's a stressful business and doesn't bring us joy at least the moment. We live decently and are trying out other things but no competition whatsoever when other family member elevates, in fact, we all cheer for them happily, knowing that that extra dollar is coming to our family vs. other millions of families out there.
So yes, I agree with the comment above. Y'all are toxic and need to work on that. This is how people fall into deep depression. Easiest route to a miserable life.

When you measure your success by how much you make it says a lot about what you value in life and what is priority to you and your family. You can’t take anything with you when you leave this earth. Success should be measured by what you give not what you get and I don’t mean financially.

My family definitely compares salary or prestige of jobs in terms of deciding who “wins” at being successful in life. My parents more than anyone else and will then share the information amongst their children to make sure we know where we stand. It’s not normal and it really doesn’t feel great.

So if someone hits a scratcher does that make them the best?

No. I grew up poor so the only people I know who make more than me are people I know through professional circles.

I compare to my peers to make sure I'm paid fairly. I didn't care what my friends or family make.

Nah, that’s kind of weird. It also doesn’t really work once people start embarking on different careers - even if they’re all equally “prestigious.”

For example, who would be the most successful out of the following;
- High paid MD, with a ton of med school debt
- Successful start-up founder, with a large amount of equity but zero cash
- Ivy League tenure-track Prof, with a low salary

Every one of them has a different income, net worth, and metrics of success. It would be nonsensical to judge them on a single number.

Not really... only some members in the extended family I'd rather not see who flaunt money, I'll be an asshole about it otherwise, who cares.

Most people if not everyone subtly compares but it sounds like your family takes it to a whole new level. Ask yourself, when you say that whoever makes the most is the "winner", what exactly do they win? It sounds dumb and childish.

For us, provided you are taking care of your bills and finances without expecting a handout from others, you're successful. We share any tips and new findings for wealth building amongst ourselves, so anyone interested in such ventures can participate.
We want our family to do great, it doesn't matter who. If my sibling finds a breakthrough, be rest assured that they're calling everyone to share so we all can evaluate the opportunity and see if it something we're interested in. The wealthiest sibling amongst us has been pushing us to go into the business that made him a millionaire but we aren't interested because it's a stressful business and doesn't bring us joy at least the moment. We live decently and are trying out other things but no competition whatsoever when other family member elevates, in fact, we all cheer for them happily, knowing that that extra dollar is coming to our family vs. other millions of families out there.
So yes, I agree with the comment above. Y'all are toxic and need to work on that. This is how people fall into deep depression, easiest way to be miserable.

OP, your family sounds a little toxic. Sorry you grew up in that environment.

Usually not that explicit, though its only human to compare against one another.. on money, looks, SO’s etc But its usually seen as poor taste to state it that straight forward.

No because everyone is in a different industry and different place in their careers

I have no idea what any of my family makes.

No. My sister makes more than I do because she’s a doctor. I’m proud and happy for her - she deserves it for the work put in to get to where she is.