Guys im really confused lately, im 38yo, and actively trying to date and often have very attractive guys messaging me, hitting me up, and i often make initiative and say let's meet for a drink etc and then they seem to retreat! wtf?? It's been happening a ton lately and I'm confused - would I have better luck just being passive and not showing interest back? I can't figure out these games people play these days and these guys are all grown 35yo+ men!

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Based on the limited information you’ve provided, my guess is that they realize you’re both bottoms and lose interest.

funnylike

Playing devils advocate - I am shy, and sometimes prefer to chat before meeting. And when people get really pushy about “we need to meet right away. I’m not looking for a pen pal etc” I back off because it feels like we’re looking for different things / I don’t want to pursue someone who didn’t respect my boundaries

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I think this proves OPs point. There are at least two kinds of people and they aren't all like OP.

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Like 2 years ago I went on about 15-20ish first dates in one monthish. I live in nyc for reference and was late 20s at the time. Gay man.

What I found helpful was to have an initial exchange/back and forth convo for about a day or two. Then suggest to meet this week for something low commitment like coffee or a drink. Be specific and ask what days they’re free and offer up days that work for you! I found that if someone is flaky or not down to meet it becomes super apparent and I would simply unmatch or not engage with them. Onto the next one.

Once you’ve done this with enough guys it gets really easy to tell who is actually wanting to meet up and who just wants attention from the apps. When I got to the dates I was really surprised that lots of them admitted they hadn’t been on a sit down date in months.

So don’t just say, “let’s meet for a drink sometime”. Be specific like, “are you free this Tuesday or Thursday after work for a drink?”

It also helps to ask what people are looking for upfront. Good luck!

likesmart

I’m in the same boat with slightly different outcome. I do end up meeting people pretty soon after chatting. However, most of the time either I or they become lukewarm after that first meeting and the engagement becomes less often and eventually dies down. It made me wonder whether I should chat more before initiating meeting up.

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I’m top though

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HMU 😆😜

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I am around your age and in nyc if you want to meet

Honestly I am man, I may sound a bit defensive when I wrote the post but it’s more curiosity and wondering if I’m missing something. Just trying to act like a normal human and engage with people open and honestly

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