Has anyone adopted (not someone you know) while single? I’m not married, and my relationship that I was 100% sure was going to result in us being married and trying for kids in the next 2 years is gone. I’m around 30, and I’ve pretty much achieved everything I wanted to professionally. If you’ve done the adoption as a single parent route, can you let me know how you did it and how you balanced it with work/time off and being the sole caregiver?

I think it really depends on the age of the child. As a mom of two now, I can honestly say I would never take this on alone—even when I just had one. You don’t truly understand how much of yourself you have to give until you’re living it. The child becomes your full responsibility, and while you can outsource some help, it always comes with trade-offs.
Kids get sick, unexpected things happen, and you have to be ready to drop everything—often at a moment’s notice. Your workplace might be understanding at first, but without a strong support system, it will impact your relationship with your employer and your overall career.

30 is also still so young! If you're thinking about children in the future, freezing your eggs might be a better alternative for now. It gives you more time and flexibility—and you never know what the future holds. You may meet someone new and decide to have kids together later on.

I have 2 kids and would never in a million years choose being a single parent. It’s an incredibly difficult journey. Like, beyond words.

I didn’t opt. But I’m a 100% single parent. I live 1,000 miles away from all family. And we thrive!!!

A con for some but hasn’t been a con for me is that my whole life revolves around him! My schedule is actually his schedule. Wherever I go, he goes when he’s not in school. I make just over $100k, so we don’t have money to outsource, but someone with more money could definitely spend on house cleaning, pick up/drop off, babysitting to go out with friends, etc. But honestly, the only one of those things I wish I could afford is the housecleaning!!!

While stressful sometimes, I enjoy pick up/drop off because I get to send him off and be the first to hear about his day. He’s made a few friends who would love for him to play at their house while I go out with friends, but I prefer him being close to me at all times. I’d be the same way if I had family nearby.

It’s great that you have flexibility and I assume make a good amount of money. I have flexibility, and I can tell you I’m living the dream with my boy. Married moms often envy the life I have with just the two of us… although married, a lot of them are often still the default parent for everything. Dad is just the help. He’s not an equal parent.

I’m at my son’s school just as much as the rich stay at home moms. I just miss out on Pilates and brunch. And I don’t like to work out, so I’m not jealous of that lol I coach his sports and enjoy it.

Sometimes, I do get into my feelings about not having my happily ever after with a “complete” family. But more days than not, I’m more than content with just the two of us.

I would just drop in here to say, I’m sure you can do it (but forget working remotely while caring for a child, it’s not possible). But don’t make any major life decisions while you are grieving a breakup.

I met my now-husband at 30, just a few months after a painful breakup, and we now have a wonderful little boy who was born when I was 35. That’s not to say that’s how it will work out for everyone, but you’re still young and don’t need to give up on having both a partner and a child solely due to your age just yet.

Also, what is this unicorn family friendly firm? I want in!

I met my husband online at 34, married at 35, first baby girl at 36 and twin baby girls at 39. If you would ask me at 30 would I be happily married with 3 kids by 39 I would have never have guessed it. Don’t give up on love so early. I didn’t even start law school until I was 30.

My best friend did last year (but in her late 30s). Very, very involved grandparents, a very involved friend group and involved and retired next door neighbors have made all the difference. She also did a lot of counseling to help prepare mentally. She has said it has been hard but very worth it. The adoption process itself was way more brutal for her than the single parenting has been.

There are tons of single parents and co parents and married parents. Nothing is ever perfect (and don’t believe the BS that it is for some). You make what works for you work. In your case, you will need to build a village. It will be hard. Very hard. Tiring and will stress you mentally and physically. But there is a reward too. I would just make sure you can do it financially and have plans in place for contingencies. But hey if a teenager can do it, you can do it. And if you want to do it now and will have planned for it and have the means to do it, do it (just build your village). And you are young enough to still have good energy. Signed a mom of 2 young kids in her 40s.

I have a friend who opted to go through IVF as a single parent, which I think is a bit different than ending up being a single parent by circumstance. Here's what I mean. I'm a mom of two and I'm married. I work in big law so we have the financial flexibility to outsource a lot of things. But at the time that we started conceiving, it's not like everything was the perfect circumstance in which to have a kid, but because I had a partner, I knew we would work it out and negotiate all the things that we needed to between the two of us. We also live around a lot of family. If my husband were to pass away or divorce me or some other circumstances would make me a single parent, it would be harder because that was not the way I intended to parent and that is not how my life is set up. My life is set up for two parent involvement.

Contrast this with a friend of mine who opted to do this intentionally single and through IVF with donor sperm. She set up systems in place to make sure that she would be able to be the type of Mom that she wanted to be. She waited till she made the type of money she wanted to make, because she definitely wanted to outsource some things so that she could spend time with her kid and not time on chores. She also made sure that she was in a job where she was either calling the shots or had the flexibility to call the shots in certain times of the day or periods of the year or whatever so that she could be there for her kid in the way that she wanted to be there. She had set up her will and several trusts and all the things so that she knew that if anything were ever to happen to her that her kid would be set up for life and that her family knew what to do in the event of her incapacity or death. She just basically was extremely intentional about making sure she had the support she needed to have as a mom before diving into being a mom which is not what most married couples do because they know they can rely on each other. She was very well aware that she would be relying solely on herself when it ultimately comes down to it if everybody else bails. She understood that paid help is typically more reliable than voluntary help and so again the finances were set up in a way that she could have the support she needed to have without the input from anybody else set up. She froze her eggs when she was in her late 20s I believe, and then didn't rush the process because eggs could be fertilized later and as long as she had a sufficient amount of mature quality eggs she knew she could go through several rounds of IVF if needed when she was older or set up to go through it. I believe she only needed two rounds of IVF before conceiving and then giving birth to her daughter. And they seem to have a great life. She loves her kid, she seems to be killing it at work, she has a flexibility she needs and she has the support she needs in the times where she needs to hustle. So she's just built a an intentional system around the life she wants. So I think it is very doable as an intentional single parent if you set up your life to be an intentional single parent. Not that it's easy, but very doable. She controlled a lot of the factors.

I am 62. Never married. In my late 30’s I starting contemplating becoming a mother by choice. I am a Black woman and didn’t want to be even more negatively stereotyped. Big concern. Mom live too far to be a real daily or frequent assist. Big concern. Didn’t want to live with her. I was a grown woman practing law. Couldn’t afford to buy a brownstone where we could have had a compound.

Mom died in 2024. I am an only child. Father, from whom i was estranged, is deceased. I am alone. I regret not having a child. I missed being a mommy. I will miss being a grandmother. I feel like there is a love I have never shared as the parent with a child.

I know young woman who are doing it. If you can do it and it’s what YOU want do it. Nothing you have done to date likely has been easy. No one else is living your life. Or your void. Or your pain. Or you’re empty. Make your own self happy - now and in the future.

Just my two cents.

Honestly, adopting as a single person is going to be difficult. There are many, many couples hoping to adopt healthy newborns, who will be chosen over you. Your chances are much better if you are open to an older and/or disabled child, but taking that probably is not your current vision.

Breakups are terrible, but you are at a good age to meet someone new and family minded. Dust yourself off and focus on that.

Good luck!

You physically can’t be a working parent without help. Full stop. Whether the help is a spouse, your parent, neighbor, friend, hired help, or some combo of these- you will need help. I encourage you to have an honest conversation about this choice with the ppl you anticipate asking for help before you go through with the adoption. If you have one solid person in your corner, it will make life 100% better for you and the child.

I think this is really commendable of you. It isn’t easy, but if you have the resources to hire help or have family that lives close by, I think you’ll be fine.