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Everyone starts at different places and some have much higher mountains to climb. My excitement/cheer for a loved ones success takes into consideration how hard they had to work to get somewhere, not just the fact they made it to the finish line. It could also be that people (i.e your in laws) have no idea what an achievement entails especially if its one they haven't had to experience or work for. My advice is to stop worrying about praise from everyone and just do you for you... whether other people see it or acknowledge is irrelevant at the end of the day if it makes you happy.
I relate. I pay attention to who doesn’t clap when I win now. It’s very telling. When roles are reversed, I usually say a passive aggressive “good for you” or “I love that for you” and leave it at that. But I’m petty lol.
As a coach, my best advice for you in this situation is to focus on setting healthy boundaries and prioritizing your own happiness. It can be difficult when others do not show the same level of enthusiasm or support for your achievements, but it is important to remember that their reactions are a reflection of themselves and not a reflection of your worth or success.
It is also important to communicate your feelings and boundaries with those around you. Let them know how their lack of support makes you feel and express the importance of mutual respect and celebration in your relationships. It is okay to prioritize your own happiness and not feel obligated to always prioritize others' occasions, especially if they have not shown the same level of support for you.
Remember to surround yourself with people who genuinely care about your well-being and success, and do not be afraid to distance yourself from those who do not show the same level of respect and support. You deserve to be celebrated and supported just as much as anyone else.
Ok, so you’ve just given a solid summary of what is causing you to struggle:
- struggle identifying and maintaining healthy boundaries
- rumination
- waiting for others to perceive and act on your behalf vs speaking up for yourself or acting on your own behalf (so lack of clear and healthy communication)
- putting your self worth and happiness in the hands of others (happiness is a temporary, external idea, by the way. I would focus on joy - that’s internal and sustainable.)
- focusing on an external locus of control vs focusing on what YOU can control
Now think of yourself as someone you are responsible for coaching, so be kind and encouraging to yourself as you think of how to address these, but also maintain high standards. what are you going to do to change your behaviors/attitudes/habits that are not serving you? How are you going to act differently? How are you going to change your focus? How are you going to stop yourself short when you realize you’re ruminating?
Write it all out. What is your plan? It’s not all going to change in a day, so prioritize the new behaviors. What new behavior are you going to start today? What new one will you add next week?
You see where this is going. You can not and will not change anyone else. You can only change you, which is super empowering when you think about it. Because you are not stuck, you are not trapped, there are 1000 things you can address to fix these issues. Things you can control.
So where would you like to start?
I’ve found that everyone has a different approach to celebrating others. Some are comfortable with being outwardly celebratory, but others may show praise by reaching out to work with you more, or even praising you to others. I don’t take it personally because I’ve been both people before.