I'd like to come across as less demanding when making requests to my direct reports or colleagues at work. Recently, my boss mentioned that the way I phrased below request sounded demanding. Could you please share your thoughts on this? How should i work on it? "I am coming in on thursday in the office to present the ratings for our area. Can you please make some time on thursday to sit down with us in the confernce room on to review ratings?"

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Hard to comment without hearing tone. The only change I might make would be swapping “can you please make some time” with “would you be able to make some time.” The former sounds a little like you expect them to make time and you’re just telling them nicely, whereas the latter gives them a bit more agency

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Yeah honestly these are really nuanced distinctions and sometimes it takes a while to hear the difference in how things may be perceived. You’re doing the right thing by looking for feedback and trying to understand.

I see nothing wrong with your statement 🥴

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ya and its his area, im helping him by being a business partner. Its his people.

You asked in this bowl an important question. "Could you please share your thoughts?...". Similarly to your directs, ask them: "what are your thoughts about achieving x?" "How would you approach it"? Often telling them to do something hidden in a question could come off as demanding. Lastly, I would ask your team to give you 360 feedback, anonymously if needed. But be prepared to make changes, not just how you speak but when and how you ask for something is important.

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anonymous 360 feedback is a very good idea. thanks

I'm curious if your boss would have given the same feedback to a male colleague who sent the same message, but that's not what you asked.

To sound less "demanding," wrap everything you say in "sweetie pie" language: "Hi there! I am coming in to the office on Thursday to present the ratings for our area. If you can find time in you schedule, would you please consider sitting down with us in the conference room to review ratings? There will be snacks! :) Hope to see you there!"

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