It’s my kid’s first time around a lot of other kids in a 2s/3s program, day 3. Today the teacher pulled me aside and said he was getting too handsy with the other kids. Grabbed a face and a neck🙁 I’m upset and worried.

What are good ways to nip that behavior in the bud other than just repeating “gentle hands”?

And did you say, Oh thank you for the heads up, how did you handle it. How how is that handled here?

Kids who want to engage with other kids, and a lot do, even little ones are clumsy as hell lol
They invade others space, grab inappropriately, blow on others, spit on others etc etc., or if a child is frustrated in a social like situation or let’s say in a less structured setting, they might behave the same way.

I’d want to know what happened before the grabbing, what was going on when he grabbed (what was going on w the interaction prior to the grabbing or whatever), and how it was handled after the fact. Then I’d go from there but that’s just me.

My middle son was very independent. Ridiculously independent. He was such a defiant kid and didn’t care when he was two. He would probably exhibit the exact behaviors in any interaction with another 2yo. He was all in socially but lacked any and all impulse control or self awareness. He’s a baby

My other two sons, no way. They were more passively interested in others, not actively. I’m sorry you are going through this but honestly, it’s not abnormal or a sign of some underlying issue. Remember these staff are minimally trained and paid like crap for what they do. Good luck! 💖

Why is parenting SO HARD?

How they handled it is the most important - and I don’t know your kid, but my assumption is they were scared and this is an overwhelming transition and they acted out from that. The WHY is what should guide how it is handled. In which case, did the teacher pay attention to ensure it wouldn’t escalate? What is their transition plan to help your kid feel more comfortable and supported while they adjust to this wildly overwhelming and scary new situation lacking parental support for many hours.
If the why is accurate to what I wrote above, saying ‘gentle hands’ isn’t doing anything. They’re being reactive due to fear and overwhelm. Giving tools and language to manage the overwhelm is the priority. Giving kids the tools they need to succeed > saying gentle hands or scolding or any behavior-tamping approach. Change the cause, change the behavior. Little kids are learning all the things we already know. We know them because we learned them. The expectation needs to be that we support and provide the tools to help them learn and interact with the world successfully.

With our almost 2yo we’ve been consistently practicing giving people/animals/etc “space” (and “more space” if she gets too close to someone/something) and it seems to click for her most of the time

With people she needs to give “more space” by not invading others’ personal space and we focus on replacement behaviors (waving hi, asking for a high five, asking for a hug (only because she kept trying to hug people)). If she gets too excited and goes too hard we also work on “no touch eyes/mouth/etc” - she’s definitely still working on it but in the last couple months she seems to be sorta catching herself and looking to us and saying “no touch eyes”/“more space”/etc

With wild animals she needs to give them space because when we’re outside we’re in their home, and just like it’s not ok for them to come into our home and invade our space, we need to respect their space (yes I’m fully aware she doesn’t understand all of this 😂 but she seems to somewhat get it!)

With dogs/pets she needs to give them space and we focus on replacement behaviors of what she can do (wave hi, say hello with a woof, etc)

Agree with everyone else that the day care worker should be handling in the moment and you are just there to back them up. I would ask them how they handled and what you can do to support them. They are the adults in the room at the time.

Tell him that he can only touch other kids if he asks their permission first. Chances are he won't want to ask, thus no more touching will take place. Tell him his teacher is watching all the kids to ensure they follow the rules.

First off, (almost) all kids will do something like this at some point. It’s totally normal, so try not to be too upset or worried. Second, it’s good that the teacher is telling you - some don’t until it’s a huge problem because they’re afraid of parent reaction.

What to do? There’s a big difference in reasoning ability between a 2 and a 3 year old. The younger they are, the less explanations help. For a 3 year old (especially if they’re closer to 4), you can explain that hitting and grabbing hurt and are scary. You can ask the school if they have a calm down corner or something similar where he can go if he needs a break, but even a 3 year old has almost no impulse control. It helps if you know what the teachers do so you can do the same at home - consistency is key. But really, it’s just repetition and (eventual) maturity.