Ladies, have any of you ever dated someone who makes comments about how (s)he wished you were able to find a good paying job w/ less stress? For context, I do get stressed from my job but I like it. Pays well, is rewarding, and I’m getting better at it. He is supportive but has a philosophy about how people shouldn’t have to work super hard and how he wished I had an easier job. This somewhat frustrates me. Is this relatable to anyone and does he have a point?

Unfortunately I think this means that as your relationship progresses into marriage and kids, he’s only going to make you feel guiltier and guiltier about working a lot. You shouldn’t have to step away from something you enjoy. Or even pretend you don’t enjoy it. Sorry but it’s probably not compatible and that’s ok.

My spouse says this at times and then I ask him if there’s any way he could find a job that pays better so I can scale back. He then drops his complaints for a few months but brings them back up and the cycle repeats. We’ve done this for about 10 years.

I don’t want a different job, I’m just very confident that he will never come to me with a workable solution to his problem.

I did. went in house and got my time back and all it showed me was that I was in the wrong relationship.

Yep. My ex would say things like this all the time. Dated for 2.5 years, but then ended it. I couldn’t picture marriage and kids with him and this was one of a few reasons why.

This profession is incredibly stressful. To have a partner that wants you be less stressed is not a bad thing or an indication, in my opinion, of incompatibility. There are times when I come exhausted, stressed and ready to quit. My husband listens to me complain and lets me vent. Sometimes he also joins in my complaining. There are other times when I call him after a good deposition or court hearing, excited with the result and he is my number 1 cheerleader.

TLDR - he has a point

Way better than my soon to be ex who wants me to stay in a miserable job for the money so he doesn’t have to stress about it.

I am way too stressed all the time and I don’t know how my husband deals with it but he just stays out of my decision making about whether to stay. He just says he will support me no matter what I do and has taken on way more of the household tasks when times are rough. He knows it won’t be like this forever and is also super chill and just doesn’t mind my chaos. Find someone like that!

Based on others comments, seems like this is very telling of his personality and what you’re relationship will be like in the future, and not in a good way.

I’m also kind of getting jealously and intimidated vibes. Some men really don’t want to see their woman thriving/doing better than them.

I think it’s not bad in and of itself - if someone saw their partner was stressed and it was detrimental to their emotional and physical health, saying that they wish you could find a job with less stress would be a reasonable and supportive thing to say. But if it’s not harming you, and you enjoy it overall, then the comments are not helpful and could be indicative of a desire to move towards more traditional gender roles. Or it could be a sign that he is misinterpreting your venting for a sign that you are in distress. I would probe him more about where this is coming from.

Tell him to stop just talking about problems and come up with solutions. If he don’t like it, then tell him to supplement your income so you can work less, or present ideas/opportunities for a job that was good paying with less stress.

Yes my bf says this and keeps suggesting I exit the law or at least this area of law in 5 years once we’re married with kids

Yes. I’ve had that conversation a few times with different people.

Some people are emotionally advanced and their stress doesn’t effect them or people around them. For the rest of us, work stress penetrates other areas of life and it’s not pleasant for our loved ones to interact with someone constantly stressed. As a former litigator, I don’t enjoy being around stressed or anxious people. So, I think the bigger issues are whether you effectively manage stress (the impact on you and loved ones) and your enforcement of boundaries - not the job.