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B invited you at the BBQ, just bc she forgot to invite you when it came around to invites (or worse may be rethinking the invite) it doesn’t mean you’re in the wrong. This is all on B. Frankly, if she realized this and didn’t want you to come, she could have just said “oh, we decided to postpone that to another time, I’ll let you know once it’s back on.” But she followed through with the e-invite so you’re clearly wanted.
You didn’t do anything wrong here. If you want to go, go to the party! If you don’t want to go, give it a couple days and say that you’re had something come up and won’t be able to make it.
She’s a super social person that runs in a lot of friend groups, and I’m only in one of them. The party invite had a lot of inside jokes that I don’t get, which is why I think I wasn’t initially meant to be invited and she forgot she told me to hold the date. But now she knows I’ve held the date, so I don’t want to make it worse by backing out. Ughhhh