Throughout my career, the best mentors I have had have been middle aged white men with daughters. The worst partners I have had have been women and talking to friends it seems to be a common experience. Why do you think this is?

I think it breaks down along who has a scarcity mentality more than gender. I’ve had amazing mentors and colleagues of both genders. I’ve also worked for insecure resource-hoarders; anecdotally, the worst I’ve experienced was a man of similar age to me. It’s possible that women may be more prone to fall for the fallacy that there are a limited number of seats for us at the table and thus we must fight for the scraps. This is an understandable mindset since we’re usually a minority in leadership positions, but: it is a FALSE narrative and we can choose to reject it! We can have all the seats, and we can and should help each other get there!

This is interesting. I found what you’re saying to be true when I was at a law firm. But when I went in house, it was the opposite. My best mentors/managers have been women, and my managers who were men (with daughters) were disappointing.

I found that the kind of woman who is able to sustain her career in high performing but predominantly male environments is not usually a “normal” woman. They were able to hang around compared to your average intelligent “girl’s girl” woman for a reason. Solution? We need more of us in these positions!

I’ve had good and bad of both but my favorite bosses including my current one are all girl dads. I saw this take on TikTok (that (progressive) girl dads are the best bosses) and I agree that they have been good to me. There’s an element of “I had to suffer and break my own way in so you should too” from some of the women. (However I’ve also had an incredible woman partner mentor.)

I agree. Women have it tough in the workplace and when they succeed there is sometimes jealousy of those coming after them. Especially if they perceive the women coming after them have some sort of opportunity they didn't like more time with their children.

Women who are deathly afraid of the perception that a woman is less than a man end up being extra hard on women.

I’ve experienced a mix of both. I’ve had not great male bosses (with daughters) and some decent female and male mentors. The worst person I ever worked for was indeed a woman partner with a high likelihood of an undiagnosed personality disorder. She was absolutely mental. I’ve been screamed at by an equally mental male partner though (same firm…birds of a feather?).

I think this profession simply attracts power hungry crazies with fragile egos. It’s just that the way women bully each other is especially vicious.

Same. Without fail, actually. I have typically REALLY disliked female partners in my field (complex lit). I don't want to dislike them, in life I am a girl's girl (I swear), but yet in my experience they are by and large unlikable and so my sentiment is therefore organic and appropriate. I have noted many bad qualities in most female partners with which I have crossed paths during my career. Not all, but the general rule stands. On the other hand, as you say, my best mentors have, without fail, been middle aged white men with daughters.

A few things may be going on here. On the one hand, I have seen many women adopt a very sour, unduly aggressive attitude. Seems like they think they need to be this way in order to emulate a man/succeed in law as a woman. I fundamentally disagree that that attitude is necessary; I'm absolutely certain it is not. You can in fact convey everything you want/need to convey, get respect, and succeed in law without being mean and nasty--I've seen it. By contrast, the male attorneys with which I have crossed paths (whether as colleague, OP, or CC--regardless) tend to be more congenial, have an ability to be resolute and assertive but not rude in their communications, and naturally avoid making professional/legal disputes personal. The archetypical female partners of which I am speaking also seem to view other women as competition/a threat to their own achievement ceiling--even young women that they should really not see as a threat given the significant disparity in professional experience. This view--which may well derive of a core insecurity--is perhaps instinctive to female attorneys but it is not reasonable. That tendency toward unreasonable outlook might also be a differentiator between female and male partners at the averages that accounts for this phenomenon: women tend to be more emotional and less reasonable, while men are typically more logical and measured.

On top of that, middle aged men, especially if they have daughters, probably subconsciously hold more adoration, respect, and patience for a competent (key word) young female associate than they do of their male associate counterparts. I assume this is because they feel a paternal protectiveness towards young female attorneys and want to see them to achieve the success they hope is in store for their own daughters. And they tend to understand women well enough to forge a symbiotic working relationship with them that incorporates the natural strengths of both genders while mitigating the natural weaknesses of both. I don't think this fatherly predisposition is the whole answer to your question, but it may be a component. In my view, the biggest factor is that lots of these women are just extremely nasty for no good reason and to no legitimate ends, except that it makes them feel like girlbosses. No thanks.

I agree too