WWYD: In-laws are not respecting our requests around presents. They are over-giving and also have terrible timing, leading to melt downs and tantrums. What are things I can do that are in my control to reestablish these boundaries? I don’t want to take the gifts away from my son because that will lead to more meltdowns.

To make matters worse, MIL has made comments that indicate this is motivated more by selfish desires than love of my son. 😠

We do not dictate other’s gifts to our kids. If the gift is unsafe, we’ll supervise use heavily while family is there and explain why we need to put it away later. Tantrums come and go but that’s just part of having kids.

I learned the hard way that too many gifts is overstimulating and desensitizing and now I have teenagers with no sense of propriety and always looking for instant gratification. Thank your in laws for the gifts, and quietly put them away for special use over the course of the year. Not immediately, just gradually “cleanup” and all of a sudden one is missing, oh let’s play with this one instead….

Is the quantity or quality of presents? I create gift lists on Babylist and my side of the family not only respects that but just sends money for me to purchase and give presents in their name since I’m great at looking out for sales and deals and they know I’m super particular about brands and quality.

As for quantity, you could set a rule that your child will only open x number of presents at a time to maintain excitement and will open the the others at another specified time. You can FaceTime your in laws or send a recording of your child opening the additional presents so they still see the reaction.

We’ve also agreed with family to stop all birthday and Christmas gifts for us and contribute that money to our child’s college fund. Shopping for adults is boring anyways so everyone was happy to oblige :-D

I think in the end you can’t change their behavior but you can redirect so it can happen more on your terms. Do you know the underlying cause of their behavior? Are they trying to make up for something or feel under involved in their grand child’s life? Or perhaps feeling competitive? That may shed light on how to manage them in a way that works for you and them.

This is tough. Have you had conversations beyond the initial boundary setting? Like explaining the challenges, etc? What is your husbands role - ie can he handle this?

Idk, my in-laws do the same thing. I kinda just mentally prepare and suck it up for now. That being said, I will step in and see a boundary in the moment like - okay we’re going to take a break from presents, okay it’s quiet time I’m taking my kids upstairs, whatever. They may have to learn in the moment.

No advice but just wanted to say we have the same problem. We explicitly ask for one gift to open plus experiences/money to save. MIL is the only person who ignores this. I put a lot of thought into a gift list and she’ll buy 3-5 gifts from the list, which doesn’t leave any suggested gifts for other family members. For us it’s about storage space, overwhelm on the day and also avoiding overconsumption. Our daughter already has everything she needs, and we don’t have space for more unnecessary toys and don’t want our daughter to be overly spoiled with every single trendy toy that only lasts for a few months. A lot of our family have different budgets too, so one gift each balances it out so our daughter sees all of her grandparents as equal. MIL is an over consumer herself, and thinks she knows best because she has 4 children. She has this unbearable need to be the favourite grandparent. FIL on the other hand has quietly bought a gift membership to a zoo with a small souvenir toy which is perfect!

I hide or donate gifts that aren’t age appropriate or don’t align with our parenting. I never say anything unless it’s safety related (no button battery toys)