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What are the chances this was a #PLSFIX ?

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Check out the Kia telluride. We love ours and it ticks most of your boxes except the 0-60. We cross shopped with the Tahoe and thought it was better in just about every way. And it’s not as long.
Another option is the Subaru Ascent. Checks all boxes except the 0-60. If price is no object then look at the BMW X7
X7
We have the 2020 Ford Explorer and love it. 3 rows with the second row 2 bucket seats for the kids (makes the third row more accessible for the 25% of the time we need it when grandparents are visiting). Makes 6 seats in total. And when you fold the third row down there’s a LOT of cargo space. Nice lines too.
We have the XLT but if you want greater acceleration then could go for the ST trim.
Audi Q7 55 gets you 0-60 in 5sec
15-20 Escalade (and likely Tahoe/Yukon) is 203.9….
That said we are looking at the aviator hybrid as a potential replacement when we trade in our Escalade.