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My motto is "friendly, but not friends." I'm happy to share a little tidbits about my life and my family, but I'm not going to hang out with colleagues outside of work or talk politics, for example. I learned early on that those firm boundaries are really important because you never know what could happen if a friendship turns to sour. It's best not to risk your career when there are plenty of people in the world who would make a great friend that isn't your colleague.
Conversation Starter
That makes a lot of sense. I’ve learned the hard way that blurred lines can get messy, so I’m trying to be more intentional now. “Friendly, but not friends” is a helpful frame.
Pro
I am friendly with the people at my work! We sometimes meet up outside of work, but only as a work group. We don't bring our partners etc, so its sort of kept within work and sort of not
Conversation Starter
That’s a good middle ground.. it sounds like you get the connection without the complications. I like the idea of keeping it to group hangouts, although I think I might still feel hesitant (that might just be the social anxiety talking though lol)
Bowl Leader
Great question.
I don’t share a lot of personal stuff at work because I was burned by classmates in high school. It is amazing how much you can talk about without really knowing someone.
So I’m hopeful we can see allot of great answers here.
Conversation Starter
Yes! It’s wild how much can be said without really saying anything. I’m hopeful too.. there’s definitely a skill to building rapport while keeping your guard up.
I used to have a strict rule about not becoming IRL friends with people at work but I moved to a new city and actually love the people I work with and we hang out outside of work a lot. I still don’t follow them on social or let them follow me and am careful what I share about certain aspects of my personal and professional life but it’s worked out great for me!
Conversation Starter
That’s encouraging to hear. I’ve been wondering if there’s a way to make it work with the right people and right boundaries. Sounds like you’ve found a balance!
I keep everyone at arm's length. We're friendly, but it never extends beyond work friendships. I don't think you need to be crazy close with your colleagues to still have a productive relationship with them.
Conversation Starter
Totally agree. I used to think closeness was necessary for collaboration, but I’m hoping you can have strong working relationships without going deep.
To veer off a little from what others have said, good friends are hard to find, especially as we get older. I think that if you make a great friend at work, you should cherish that friendship and treat it as any other close friendship. Make plans outside of work one on one that don’t only involve after work happy hours. It’s usually easier to become closer with people who you have more forced time-spend with, which is why we tended to make friends in school when we were younger, but the adult version of that is work, so if we have a rule on not getting close with work friends, it’ll be pretty difficult to make friends.
I really appreciated my group of work friends at my last office. I really really wish that I had that where I work now.