How do you politely put a more junior (male) team member back in their place? I am a senior manager and this person is an experienced manager, still another year before senior manager. They keep trying to suggest how to do things and I have nearly said that I’m the senior manager and they need to respect and listen to me, but obviously I haven’t. They’re driving me insane and I just want them away.

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Here’s something you can do. Ask him to put his ideas on paper and work up the scenario’s and send them to you - usually those people who are so ‘full of suggestions’ rarely manage this step. He’s trying to find the weak points in your confidence .

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I've never thought of it as a strategy in this way, but I have had many experiences (as a female senior manager) where my supervisors and more junior managers push hard on ideas but can't back them up once I ask them to put together numbers or "pur their ideas to paper" as you say here. I know numbers aren't everyone's forté, but I am not going to spend the time putting together the business case for an idea I don't believe in, so if a leader believes they have a way of doing things that's superior to the way I think we should be doing things, I require that they present their own business case. You're right that they usually don't follow through. I've also had the experience that they do follow through but not completely; they'll put together a really high level case but not at the level of detail I've asked for. This can often be a skill issue (they don't know how), and doesn't necessarily mean their idea doesn't have legs - so I generally DO end up finishing the business case for them in that situation.

I don’t like the idea of “putting someone in their place.” You are no better than anyone just because you’re of higher rank. Everyone was hired for a reason and they all bring something unique to the table. This attitude of “putting someone in their place” is very degrading and toxic. I think you need to change your mindset to a more open minded and collaborative one and work through problems to effectively come up with solutions together.

Just because you have more years of experience does not mean fresh new ideas hold no value. They do. I think you need a bit more leadership training. Great leaders LISTEN and encourage others.

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It's not "toxic" to expect that someone who is below you in the hierarchy will generally follow instructions and listen to what you're telling them, especially in very hierarchical workplaces like I assume OP is in from her title.

I empathize. Politely thank the manager for their ideas. When they have a good one, acknowledge it. “I like this idea. Though on the other thing, we need to stick with the original plan because of x and y reasons.” or “ I think that’s a good idea and we may be able to use it next time. This time we’ll have to stick with the current plan because A and B.”

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Are you coming off as trying to mansplain or like they're excited and want to share ideas?

Appears they’re coming more as mansplaining, especially with their tone of voice/body language. I don’t mind new/different ideas (I actually ask for feedback as we’re walking through something). They always seem to be in the need to have the last word, etc.

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how are you handling their suggestions? if you take roles and hierarchy out of the picture (along with ego and pride), are they actually good suggestions?

it took me a while to get to this point as an experienced senior manager, but i make it a point to listen to all points of view and suggestions on my team and if someone can back up their view and it sounds like their idea has potential, i go with that, even if i’ve already shared a path forward. i do that because it’s important that our teams members feel like their view matters and they are being heard - there is no better way to be a leader than to help show you respect someone else’s opinion and think it is a good way to move forward.

have you tried giving them that constructive feedback around that?

maybe set up a feedback session - ask them to come with any feedback to provide you (things you are doing well and anything you can do better to be a better leader for them) and in that session you can provide them some constructive feedback around that - try to provide specific examples. they may not even realize they are doing that.

I actually have a senior who does exactly what you are mentioning - she will very commonly say exactly what someone else just said but make it seem like her idea. she has many other areas of improvement that i’ve been giving her, so that one is not something i’ve brought up, but i just try to see it as any other reasonable person in the meeting understands who said what, who has what idea first - it only looks weird for her.

good luck!

It sounds like potentially a few things.
1) Lack of time-bound boundaries. This person is just showing up and talking? A fix for this is possibly a regular 1.1 about stuff like this for 30 min a week and he presents ideas with time savings/other.
2) Driven to make senior manager. Lots of social media is all about being the squeaky wheel, speaking up in meetings, and giving ideas. So, I’m wondering if this is his way of trying to be “seen” for the next stage in his career. Solution: conversation about leadership development, 360 feedback, or what the career ladder looks like.
3) other solution: flip the conversation. Let’s say this person was a female and doing this. Would your reaction be the same? What if it was a newbie person vs another manager?

I think a good conversation is needed but that conversation needs to be time-bound and very structured.

I think it’s a bit of 1 & 2. And I did have a similar experience with a female a few years ago (she didn’t try to speak over as much in public settings through) and felt the exact same way. I did roll her off all my projects because she even did it to a partner and we all got frustrated for lack of listening. I think I’m going to try to have the solo conversations with this colleague, because he does have good ideas sometimes but has extremely poor presentation/communication skills. But ultimately I feel like I will end up rolling him off as I truly don’t feel like he’ll change/adjust, given how I’ve observed him with others in the office.

I like to approach this casually in the moment as much as possible, but tone is *everything* so I suggest practicing a bit first. Some examples:

You: [explain the plan]
Him: if I were you, I would [explains the plan again]
You: "I'm glad we're on the same page, because that's the plan I just described!" [Say it with a smile and maybe raised eyebrows the first time]

You: [explain the plan]
Him: If I were you, I would [do something else that isn't a good suggestion]
You: yes, I did consider that, but it doesn't make sense in this case. Let's discuss in more detail offline so you know what I'm thinking.

The trick with that one is to actually tell him why it isn't a good plan, but not in a public forum. If he argues about it you just get to say "I made the call on this one based on [experience, direction from the partner, etc]."

Thanks! It is a combination of both things, maybe slightly more toward the second. I have not taken things offline yet, mostly because they’re always “too busy”. But will start just putting time on his calendar and essentially forcing the discussion a few times.

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