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Be nice and don’t talk about politics. Listen to how horrible you sound - I have no interest in hosting her because of her beliefs. Just wow.
This book. Maybe it will open your eyes - you have been programmed / brainwashed / duped.
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/maos-america-xi-van-fleet/1143127295
OP your husband should be doing the heavy lifting and standing up to his grandmother and make it clear that there are boundaries in your home and she can’t cross them. She can visit but she needs to be respectful and not bring up politics and it’s on your husband to enforce those boundaries in your home as it’s his family. My brother is MAGA and when he visits, I enforce the boundaries.
As a blue dot in a MAGA family, we interact when needed, but I’m always on board to enforce the boundary. If politics come up, I tell them to drop the conversation, and if they don’t, I inform them that for every time they bring it up, I’ll be making a donation in their name to planned parenthood. Usually keeps their disgusting vitriol at bay for the extent of the visit, at least.
Hey OP im with you, and understand your position. But I don’t think there’s much around this. Maybe go out to eat dinner instead of hosting her for dinner? That way you can protect your space.
Rising Star
That’s exactly what I was going to suggest. Going out to eat lets you walk out if needed.
Stop punishing people for their political beliefs and allow a grandmother to enjoy time with her grandson. Do you realize how awful you sound?
One major fact people seem to be glossing over is that it is not just OP’s home - it is her husband’s also. Refusing to allow your spouse’s grandparent visit is downright cruel. If you think that is reasonable I can only hope your own children grow up to have differing political views from you and decide to cut you out of their life. Only then will you really learn the error of your ways.
Scalia and RBG used to go to operas together. I’m sure you can find something else to talk about besides politics.
Suck it up for a few hours and talk about pleasant things you’ve seen and done. It’s ok to spend time with people who have different beliefs than you- just avoid talking about politics. It would be awful if she died and the last time your husband had an opportunity to see her, he didn’t because you didn’t want to spend time with her.
Sure, but she’s also said her and her partner share the same beliefs. So maybe it wouldn’t be a loss at all - I guess it would depend on the impact grams has on her partner’s life. I don’t think the guilt trip was warranted though.
To be clear, husband is agrees with me politically but doesn’t want to create conflict in the family. I don’t want to host her and I’m happy to tell her why - her actions should have consequences.
Yeah, it is a tough spot to be in no doubt, but set boundaries and see how it goes as far as politics- steer convos if need be away from it, if she brings it up. At the very least if it doesn’t work out this time, your partner and grams will have some time and you’ll know how to handle in the future. Also consider setting a maximum time you’ll agree to spend with her to ensure there is an “end time” to look forward to, in case things go south.
My entire family are MAGA. I hate it. To be honest with you, I find redirecting the conversation to more neutral topics is the safest way to handle things. Reminding them that you don't share their beliefs or correcting them when they say something racist/bigoted (i have an uncle that enjoys using the nword) adds fuel to the fire in my experience.
Same experience for me exactly. My parents and I have sort of a truce, but when it’s larger family gatherings like Christmas I just bite my tongue and redirect the conversation when I can. And when I can’t, I go to the bathroom or go get a soda from the other room, etc. and just make myself scarce until I feel like it’s probably ok to come back.
OP, I don’t think it’d be fair to keep your husband from his grandmother. I’d support the visit but figure out a way to get more comfortable - maybe that means going out to dinner instead of at your home. Or you are “sick” so just husband meets up with her. But ultimately, it’s his grandmother so I think he should be able to see her if he wants, even if that means you don’t participate. Just figure out what makes it tolerable for you.
Rising Star
You don’t need to host her, or even interact with her if she is harmful to you.
Your husband can host her, if he wants to. Perhaps you can make yourself busy on the day she comes over, with errands outside of the home. You can minimize or even eliminate contact with her this way.
If you must spend time with her, I like the idea of doing something outside of the home, like a sightseeing activity or shopping, so that she is distracted and also on good behavior.
Rising Star
You don’t need to host anyone you’re uncomfortable having in your home. Meet her somewhere else for lunch/dinner - that way if she starts spouting something offensive, you can make a quick exit.
I think your duty to the family is one meetup at a place you choose. Like, a lunch at a restaurant that you select. I would not make a huge issue out of this or cause a rift in the family, it’s not worth it and it will change nothing. You can be civil at one lunch. But, you can protect your mental health by not spending time with her beyond that.
We don’t have a relationship with our MAGA family.
My husband’s BIL is similar, and he brings up race and immigration every single time (among other topics). I’m an immigrant, and was a visa holder when I met him (then GC and now a citizen), so his opinions in immigration and who he votes for have always directly affected me.
We stopped hosting him at our home after a long (but somewhat respectful) disagreement when I was fed up and explained exactly what his beliefs would mean for me, and from then on would only visit with them at restaurants/other neutral spaces. We went no contact with him last year though. We still see the kids and sister, but I don’t want my kids around him if he’ll be talking shit about immigrants (aka their mom and non American extended family).