How important do you think having a good partner is when it comes to having professional ambitions? I feel like I have a very incompetent husband, and it makes me want to dream less, dream lower than I can.. because I don't think I'll be able to do the work it takes. I'm the leader at home too and if I take a backseat my entire family will be in shambles.. down to not having a meal for the day. I love him but I wish I could have been more supported. Am I blaming him for my own problems?

No you're not. I know for a fact I couldn't have done all the things I wanted to do if it weren't for the immense support I got from my husband. I feel for you. Why don't you sit down and have a serious conversation with him? Tell him there are bigger things you want to achieve, and that you can't even imagine seeing them through if he doesn't step up. I'm sure you could have done a whole lot more with your life if you were single? Your partner should be the reason you grow more, not less.

Hugely important. Most men who succeed have a spouse taking care of the kids, the home, everything. You can’t give 100% at work and 100% at home, it is just too much for one person.

Agree with the others. I couldn't do anything without my husband taking on what he does. HOWEVER I also want to say I see sooo many women whose "life would be in shambles" take on more when their husband is actually capable but might do it in a different way. Overcorrecting and micromanaging in a way that makes the partner give up. Try reading Drop the Ball and see what might apply to you

Without a doubt it’s important to most successful women - maybe even critical. Having support, a vision or seeing yours, their own competence, self drive (not necessarily career wise), and some humility are key attributes I personally needed in a partner. And I think like SCO1, I wouldn’t be here and going places without that in him. I also agree that understanding what makes him tick, what may be holding him back, and how he feels about your drive will be telling. It may be insecurity, it may be something else. It takes a strong and secure man to love and support a successful woman.

The person you marry can make or break your career

No you’re not. Get counseling. Force him to attend and if he can’t meet you somewhere, might be time to move on.

I am only successful because I have a very supportive husband. When I need to travel or work long hours, he picks up without any issue and takes care of the house and our kids. I feel 100% secure and his ability and for this reason alone, I am able to succeed in my job.

Sorry, but you’re describing an additional child, not a partner.

I think it’s probably possible to prioritize your career and still stretch to minimum viable functionality at home, but I don’t think it’s possible to do so and also be happy and healthy. I know many women of our parents’ generation who had ambitious careers without sufficient partner support at home, and they literally all had strokes or got cancer by age 50.

Well I think it’s important to consider if he’s always been this way or has his drive / ambition / support changed since you’ve been married?? If he’s never shown professional ambitions you can’t blame him for traits you knew before you married him. My husband’s drive and ambition was clear on the first date and it still is one of the most attractive attributes he has.

That being said, men just don’t seem to realize what we see or need in a home. My husband has motivation to run marathons on a regular basis… but see a pile of laundry or the mess in the kitchen? Just doesn’t phase him. Outsource where you can, call him out for help and do some thinking on why you fell in love with him and wanted to marry him and how can those strengths he has help you where you are?

There are 2 types of support needed: The actions to take some of the burden of home responsibilities, and the personal emotional support for you and your career. It seems like you are focused on the first, which is potentially easier to fix with some of the strategies mentioned here. Discuss sharing of chores and find a balance so you don’t have the time burden standing in your way. The personal support from a partner is not as easy to get someone to change, to provide. But you need to tell him about your dreams and ambitions. Does he just have no idea? Or would he be insecure or actively discourage you from pursuing them? There are a big range of possibilities in this realm of support, but it’s very important. Getting him to just do more chores won’t fix the issue.

I feel extremely lucky to have a partner who is a huge supporter of me and my career, and I know I would not be where I am without him. We split chores and cooking pretty evenly (no kids). But more importantly he is my biggest cheerleader, helps me strategize career moves, and has helped me see my own value in ways that I would not on my own.