{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Noticing that a lot of women I’ve dated have had physically or emotionally abusive fathers....if I had to guess about 20%?\n\nIs this out of line statistically or am I doing something to attract this? Not complaining btw (except for 1, they’ve all been great and happened to confide this information)", "post_id": "6049900fac9eba0024db39f6", "reply_count": 20, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "5e8656b80bdab1002a7355dc", "bowl_name": "Confession ", "feed_type": "bowl" }

Noticing that a lot of women I’ve dated have had physically or emotionally abusive fathers....if I had to guess about 20%?

Is this out of line statistically or am I doing something to attract this? Not complaining btw (except for 1, they’ve all been great and happened to confide this information)

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

My dad physically and emotionally abused me. My brother sexually abused me for years. I got into a LTR with a guy in high school that was abusive and lasted until I graduated from college. I didn’t know how to have healthy relationships with men for many years because I just didn’t have any frame of reference. Now, even though I have been through a ton of therapy and am generally mentally healthy, I will occasionally relapse into bad dynamics with men out of comfort when I am struggling in my life. (Risky and self-punishing behavior is somehow comfortable 🤦🏼‍♀️)

I share all of this because I know through my own experiences that these things are so much more common than anyone could ever imagine. When I was a kid, I thought I was the only one these things happened to. I actually wish that were true. I wish there weren’t so many of us.

The wonderful man that I married is a care taker and a giver. He is also the most steady and calm person I know. He has been a rock for me over the years, even when I am a little shaky. Obviously, don’t be codependent or whatnot, but you can also be a good steady man for someone from a broken past.

likeuplifting

I am happy that you broke the pattern! Good for you!

like

Are you a caretaker? Maybe you're drawn to these women.

like

Appreciate that...it’s a work in progress for sure. I am infinitely more aware now.

A lot of women don't have great relationships with their fathers, especially if their parents were divorced and their dads weren't around much. When my parents divorced, my dad ran off to another state to do his own thing, would call me a few times a year on holidays to say hi, saw me maybe once a year, then moved back to town 7 years later and expected a teenage me to just welcome him with open arms. It doesn't work like that. Relationships, even family relationships, take work.

like

No that sounds low actually

likesmart

You think it’s actually higher for the general population?

Slightly different situation, but my mom was in a physically and verbally abusive relationship with a man from the time I was 5 until 16. He never abused me, but I witnessed what he did to my mom. It definitely has lasting impacts.

I have a wonderful relationship with my dad though.

like

My father was never physically abusive to me, but was to my older brother and verbally abusive to all of the family. Unfortunately, it seems like conservative families and certain cultures breed toxic masculinity and this misogyny, which I wasn’t aware of until I got to college and realized how common it was. If not verbally abusive, there’s clearly some “rules” the father has in place to control who you hang out with, what you wear, how “ladylike” the daughter appears, and how submissive everyone in the household must be. That being said, I loved going to a friends house and seeing how great their family dynamic was, and hope to have a loving partner one day that is the opposite of my father.

like

Thank you for sharing EY. I’m sorry that you had to go through all that. But I’m also happy that you are clearly so introspective and came out the better because of it.

Any of those ladies here, DM me 🧔

like

Read the room, man. Not everything is or should be a joke.

likesmart

Additional Posts in Confession

Hi fishes, I have an offer from Fractal as well as Tiger. Decision scientist at Fractal Senior Analyst(Data Science) at Tiger Which one is more suitable for Data science learning. I'm talking about more development and exposure to tech and less Consulting.

Fractal Tiger Analytics

like

I could really use some help! I just landed my first interview for Deloitte for Senior Administrative Assistant…any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated

like

Hi Sharks,

Is onboarding physical or virtual?
Anyone joined recently at Deloitte USI Pune office?

like

Hello Fishes, can I do DSA from JavaScript?

Likes to open DMs please <3

Post Photo
like

Hey Sharks
I am targeting Microsoft for the Data
Scientist position (Entry level-l), but
even after referrals from fellow Microsofters my application is getting rejected.
I am unable to find out the reasons for
my rejection. I have 4 + years of
experience and have patents. Working
as SME in Predictive Maintenance
domain at Deloitte USI.
Can my resume be one of the issue,
actually if passed through
ATS,retrieval would give DS ML
keywords but alot of info would be
missing. DS from msoft, pls help

Hi
I accepted TCS offer with 50% hike. Later I got other opportunities with 120% in CTS, LT, Wipro, Tech Mahindra, Mphasis, Accenture. Requested TCS for salary revision. Asked me to send counter offer. No response from them. My DOJ is on Dec 13, do TCS keep me in blacklist if I don't join? Please suggest.

like

Hey everyone! Would anyone be willing to refer me to Google?

I’m an analyst at a top consulting company at the moment. I have previous experience at Salesforce. I’m looking for new opportunities where I can grow with the company:)

What do M&A tax managers with a CPA make?

like

Hey guys,

Please give me 11 likes so that I can start interacting with fellow users.

I work with Accenture, would be more than happy to give referral to anyone interested!

likeuplifting

“What’s on [my] mind?”
Breonna Taylor.

likehelpful

What is the range of total comp for a Senior Manager role at a pharma/biotech company?

like

Is there any big four with no concept of firm initiatives?

likefunny

Pros and cons of working with a headhunter rather than just applying to things directly on your own?

likesmart

What would be the smartest use of $70k in liquid assets outside of retirement accounts?

like

If at the end of a phone interview I was told the base for the position ( product marketing associate in tech ) is 90K and I plan on negotiating when I get the offer how much more can I ask for ? ( NYC, 1-2 yo experience )

Has anyone tried tan-luxe self tanner? Would you recommend it or have other products you like? Looking to add a little color to legs without looking streaky or orange or too fake.

Post Photo
like

Someone more senior ever take on your responsibilities, you passively let them, then they tell you, you’re not owning your responsibilities? (Cont.)

Additional Posts (overall)

I just want someone to tell me “you’ve done enough” so I can quit and coast for the rest of my life without feeling guilty about not maximizing my potential 🥲🥲

like

Had a raging migraine episode yesterday and I’m still out of it. At work and want to pass out 🥲

like

I miss traveling so that I can flirt with randoms at a hotel bar.

likefunny

Bring DD is the worst leadership role on the plant

like

Currently on an Amtrak train to Boston. We are currently not moving cause either someone killed themselves or the train hit a person on the track…

like

I do not appreciate this math, Mr Cashier

Post Photo
funnylike

Good morning, 🐠

Post Photo
likefunnysmart

I have absolutely no filter. I have a problem with just “telling things like it is” and being extremely blunt which sometimes can lead to problems in my personal life and work life. I’ve tried to take a pause before i speak but that doesn’t help 😅

Anyone have the same thing?

likefunny

What’s something you tell yourself or do to help with imposter syndrome?

like

We all know virtual meetings are quite intentional nowadays so let’s play bingo! How many have you completed by now? 😉

I’ll go first. 19/25 tiles ✅

Post Photo
likefunny

What the heck is wrong with the boomers???

My parents are white baby boomers from the Midwest. Over the last 10 years, they've:
-Stopped attending their church
-Quit going to all social events
-Don't bother to go visit my grandparents or their extended family
-Soley rely on my sister, my brother, and I for all social interaction
-Expect us to come over to their house exclusively. They trek to my brother's twice a year for grandkids' holidays and have never been to my apartment we've had for 3y

likefunny

First day of the new year and extremely bored lol.. Can't wait for work and going to gym class on Monday.

likefunny

I seriously hate consulting. Just do it to feed the kids at this point.

likehelpful

I'm upset that my friend won't refer another friend of mine to his firm. She's too good. He was like he can refer me, but not anyone else. I know I shouldn't expect, but still low key mad. 😤

Edit: she is too good at what she does)work.

like

I’m a mom and a lawyer and I love to consume cannabis products. I feel like I’m better at my jobs when I do 😂 ETA: I’d like to add that I don’t consume when I’m directly and the only one responsible for my child’s care or when I’m working on client matters in court etc. It’s also worth noting that I *dont* get super stoned lol

like

Is anyone here Double Employed and what are the best second jobs to combine with Product Management. Looking to work double employed for a year to save up and invest enough to go back to do my PhD.

likesmart

I want to watch something really really feel good. Suggestions please? (Hulu, Netflix, Disney+, HBO max, Amazon)

like

Easter Bunny costumes are creepy AF.

likefunny

I want to go on a bunch of road trips but I don’t have my license and I’m not close to anyone with a car 🥲 maybe it’s time to change that lol

like

Self-compassion is hard to implement. Quitting my job seems to be step 1 at this. 🫤

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Already have an account? Log in

New to Fishbowl?

image with Fishbowl logo and arms reaching out for a handshake

Already have an account? Log in

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.
Messaging rates may apply

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal