I started a new role, that was very difficult to get. I am younger for the role and have less tenure than the average associate. I was a top performer in my last role and did a ton of prep and networking. I have a new colleague who continues to subtly put me down. He continues to tell me his concerns for me, he’s mentioned he thinks I won’t do well with clients and I got the role bc of a weak candidate pool. I don’t need help with lack of confidence. (contd in comments)…

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This is hurting my self esteem and I am also worried it will hurt my brand and he will share his sentiments with others. I will have to interact with this person from a coaching perspective and they are quite good at their job. Any recommendations for how I can build a mental barrier? The only thing I’ve thought of is to take their words with a grain of salt, kill them with kindness when needed, maintain a professional boundary and prove them wrong.

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Ask this person if constantly trying to put you down makes their self esteem higher and feel better about themselves. If they dont know what to respond or if they say something that leaves room for you to comment further you can say, “your delivery may be wrong then as you may not be aware of how youre coming off. As a mentor i really want to look up to you, help me do that”.

Congrats on your new role!

Did your manager assign this coaching relationship, or did this person just decide on their own to give you coaching?

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I second this - clarify with your manager

Any form of disrespect or passive aggressive put downs are unacceptable and shouldn’t be tolerated by anyone. I don’t know what kind of ulterior motive your colleague is trying to get here, but I would advise you set that boundary with him right away before he starts feeling more comfortable treating you this way and will likely get worse. He feels like this is okay behavior because no one has probably ‘checked’ him before. But if you don’t stand up for yourself and demand some respect, he will just continue treating you without respect. If he thinks you’re a b**** and starts talking behind your back, so be it - he’s just one person and has probably done this to other people at your company too. And another added benefit of speaking up and trying to set boundaries now, is that if things were to get heated and somehow HR or another person had to get involved, you will be able to say you acknowledged his behavior and tried to communicate early on. You can never change how someone treats you, but you are 100% in control of how you choose to react. Best of luck!

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