So there's this girl my bf used to hook up with on work trips when he was a Principal at AWS. They ended things and determined it was for the best. But they still keep up with each other and he brings her up more often than I'm comfortable with. I've had office flings. When the doors are closed, they're closed. We're not staying in each other's lives. He says she's not a threat and I don't believe she is. But in my experience, women don't keep past guy flames unless it's for a lil ego boost.

Hi op. I am genuinely friends with a few guys I’ve hooked up with. I am wholeheartedly able to separate any past attraction from platonic appreciation. I mean, there is a reason I hooked up with them in the first place, other than the sex. Do I keep them around for an ego boost? No, especially not if they make inappropriate comments, etc. but I do enjoy the person for whatever ways they fill my friendship needs—maybe they’re musicians too, or maybe they like the same nerdy niche I’m into. Maybe you can lean into their friendship and integrate yourself into it, since she seems like a valued person in his life?

OP. Trust your intuition and investigate it. Is he casually talking about it? Does his tone change? Does his face light up? Do you know who ended it? Him or her? Have you met her? An easy solution is to ask him to invite her out to happy hour or weekend brunch. Then observe them together. That will let you know who's really into who or moved on. Do not overlook this. I'm a him believer in getting the facts and not ignoring my discernment. Good luck.

Red flag 🚩

If you think it’s weird now, wait until you’re engaged, married, have kids with them.. and explain to your kids how daddy met auntie “Robin”

For me, if she’s truly nothing but a “friend”, he’d stop engaging with her. No need to block. But if he can’t stop engaging… you have your answer.

Good luck 🍀

He’s def keeping her around as an option

I’m friends with a few guys I hooked up with back in college. We are friends on social media and send sporadic messages, I even attended the wedding of one (we hooked up once years before he met his wife and I had attended the weddings of other guys in the friend group). Have you seen them interact in person? If not, I agree with comments: go out for happy hour or something with them to see the vibe.

It really depends on how you feel and how he acts. I’ve been with my now husband for 13 years and we met in law school. I had a ton of guy friends and talked to them all the time. He met them all. Etc. it wasn’t a problem and they genially were just friends. I will say now we are all married and have kids I don’t really talk to them anymore. Just a different dynamic as people are married and get older.

Either you believe him and you’re not worried, in which case do nothing. Or, it bothers you enough to ask him out of respect for you to a. Quit interfacing at all or b. Quit what ever behavior it is you don’t trust ( like meeting for lunch, drinks, or what ever but you don’t care if they communicate not in person).

My husband has one long standing female friend. No idea if they ever hooked up. Never asked. Did I wonder when we first dated…. Yes. Did I ask who she was. yes. And he said just a friend from work. Did he do anything that caused me concern, no. Did it bug me a little - yes. Eventually she got married and we now occasionally have dinner with them both. He still virtually catches up with her. I am glad I never made any demands. Which is a long way of saying… do what feels right for you based on what you see and hear. Do not project something that isn’t there. Do not project you propensity to never maintain a friendship after having slept with a person onto everyone else. If he is prone to cheat, he will. That is different. Her designs on him is irrelevant… as it the young intern’s this summer who thinks he’s funny and hot.

There’s no way for any of us to know the situation because we don’t read minds or know her or him, but all scenarios are possible. All you can do is decide what you are comfortable with and then proceed accordingly. You don’t need anyone’s approval to decide what works for you.

I had a friend get drunk and chase me around at his birthday party, saying he loved me and trying to hug me. We never dated, but he sort of expressed feelings for me decades before, which I ignored. His wife, whom I considered a friend as well, felt so bad, but never asked him to cut me off. (As an aside, I don’t plan to ever be in close physical proximity to him again.) The wife of another guy I was best friends with made him cut me off. There was never anything between us other than friendship and I also treated her like a friend. I thought it was a $hi++y thing to do, but it is what it is; it was her right to decide.

I think he's just being a clueless guy about it and legitimately thinks they can still be friends. I am not the jealous type, but there is literally no one I used to hook up with- causally or otherwise that I consider a friend. I've also found some guys are just sentimental- way more than we are. They will end things and then continue to watch your every move. Myself on the other hand...I revoke all access and I think most women do.

Have you told him how you feel? Is she even in the same city as you both? Unless he’s on the phone with her daily I don’t see the problem. But if their friendship bothers you, just tell him and talk it out

Sounds like they are friends, and you’re insecure about their history.

Your bf isn’t hiding anything and didn’t give you a reason not to trust him. On the contrary he mentions his friend. You have the option of befriending her and observe their interactions. Then you can make a more objective assessment.