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Do you mind sharing some examples of how she prioritized her family over you? I mean if her parents are unwell/ in stress and need support, it really changes the narrative. Versus if she decides to spend all long weekends with them instead of going on trips with you (assuming you want that). Divorce is a major decision, and feels concerning basing it on this lone factor without appreciation of the full picture.
In addition, she has become more religious over time and tries to enforce it over me such as going to umrah. It’s never what i want. It’s only what she wants. She wants me to take her parents too. Without considering that if I wanted to go, wouldn’t i want to take my own parents?
Another example is pre marriage, we are both from progressive moderate Muslim families, and she was very open minded. Now she dresses more conservatively only wearing full sleeves, has more biased Muslim views when it comes to geopolitical issues and can’t see other side, judges people who do haram things such as marry non Muslims or drink…before she was friends with these people and had the view of you live your life, i live mine, if you’re a good person, I’m willing to be your friend.
Random “allies” will offer boat loads of ‘benefit of the doubt’ type excuses… what about her side of the story?! Rather than being empathetic and sympathetic about your plight. Pathetic.
I’m sorry you’ve been going through this debacle for years! Sit her down, talk to her, explain your feelings, listen to her and work out a solution, together — only if she a) acknowledges your feelings, b) understands your concerns, and c) willing to equitably solve the problem. If she is unable to take accountability for her actions and acknowledge how it is straining your marriage, you need to have a serious conversation with her and / or seek counseling for [better] alignment.
Yes - our parents and family have rights on us and vise versa, but after marriage, your spouse and children are your first priority! Good luck!