Growing up, I was always called “pretty for a dark-skinned girl”, especially by family. At the time I didn’t fully realize how deeply those words would shape how I saw myself. Now as an adult, I’m trying to unlearn a lot of those internalized messages and rebuild confidence in my skin tone. Has anyone else gone through this with family? How did you start healing?

yep.
my mother, who was very fair would not let me go outside and play in the summer until my father lit her ass up

She would also say things like I couldn’t wear bright lipstick or certain colors because I was too dark

I try my very, very best to think that my parents were doing the very best with what they knew, and that a lot of their trauma was inherited from their parents

so as an adult, I do what I want how I want it’s taken a while to get to self acceptance, but I think I’m almost there

So sorry to hear that. Colorism has been detrimental to us as black people. I'm caramel in complexion but have experienced the venom of light skinned women who thought I should be less attractive than them. To help you know the true beauty standard (melanin) then I say this...go spend some time in Africa and/or get some dark skinned African female friends. You can't tell them they are not beautiful, no matter their size. My African friends are some of the most confident, bold, wise, and caring women I know. Date an African man who'll tell you how beautiful you are every day. You have to surround yourself with people who love their dark skin and the dark skin of others. And stop spending time with people who hate their blackness. Just because they have self hate doesn't mean you should too. Best of luck and stay beautiful.

Same. It took me a long time to stop comparing myself to lighter-skinned girls and seeing them as the default standard of beauty. One thing that helped was finding dark-skinned women I admire and learning their stories—it helped me shift from “exception” to “enough.” Thank you for sharing this, your journey is valid, and healing is possible.

From the older generation, it's definitely rooted from trauma and survival. But for our generation and younger, I firmly believe it's rooted in jealousy and deep insecurity, especially from those who believe they benefit from lighter skin.

What if we just popped out and said "you're not that pretty for a light skin girl", they would lose their minds. But I believe that's what they think in their head. (At least younger ppl).

I can totally relate. I also heard comments that made me question my worth based on my appearance. For me, healing started with recognizing that beauty isn’t defined by others’ standards. Surrounding myself with affirming people and practicing self-love has helped rebuild my confidence.

I am considered “fair skinned”. My sisters are dark skinned. I have also viewed them as just Gorgeous! I say “people are just stupid” and every time someone says something like that, hear “dark skinned girl” by BEYONCE in your head and remember almost every high fashion model of color right now is DARK skinned. After that do you! 💕💕💕