Hi ladies. Needed some advice. I had a hysteroscopy and polypectomy under general anesthesia today (basically removal of an endometrial polyp in the uterus). Was discharged the same day and been resting (have some cramping and bleeding). Have taken a few days off work as well to keep resting. My sister-in-law wanted to come home and see me tomorrow but I told my husband I just wanted to be, not see anyone and just rest. (Post continued below in comments...)

Wth. You’re absolutely not in the wrong — if you don’t want to see anyone post a surgery, don’t see anyone post a surgery. I’m so sorry they were both trying to spring that on you. My MIL wanted to see her new granddaughter (my baby) like right post delivery and I told my husband absolutely not, lol. I didn’t need to babysit two children postpartum.

I’d just call her and tell her you’re resting and not seeing anyone this weekend to get better, but are looking forward to seeing her next week. You don’t owe her anything, but you could call to be nice (definitely don’t have to).

Also hire a cleaning person this one time 😭, you deserve it. Please try to relax.

Everyone rests/recovers differently. He probably should have just said you weren't up for visitors yet. My husband is like you, he would never want someone to drop by, family or not, if he wasn't at his best. My sister-in-law is the opposite. She loves to see people. It makes her feel loved.

People tend to project their personal style on others. So, my guess is both your husband and his sister are the latter. I also would guess this is an older sister, or at least one who ruled the roost growing up and telling her "no" on something he viewed as unimportant made him uncomfortable. He is taking that u comfortable out on you. However, he did do it for you. Now, he is venting a bit because his sister pushed back. My advice, let it go. Just say, thank you for doing it. I know you don't understand my position, but I'm just not up for company. Do not go down the clean the house rabbit trail.

Maybe send your SIL a text that thanks her for offering to come by and you hope she understands you just aren't up to seeing anyone yet.

This is one of those things that is an emotional response not logical for both of you. Neither will convince the other, so it's best to be the bigger person, let it go, say thank you, and move on.

He could have caved and let her come. I know men who have. Try to celebrate what he did.

I hope you recover quickly.

Just a thought to avoid this kind of stuff in the future - why didn’t you just text her “not up to visitors this weekend but would love to get together x date”
If you control the messaging you don’t need to worry about someone else’s interpretation. It’s not like this is a complicated situation or response, just say no thanks not right now

(...post continued)

I suggested we could meet her next weekend because I would feel a bit better by then and also meet outside (instead of at home because I don't have the ability to clean / tidy up the house post surgery). I'm not sure how well my husband conveyed the message to her - I think he didn't do it well because she sounded a bit upset (I could hear part of the conversation briefly from another room where he said something about me stressing about cleaning the house). I asked him if she was upset, but he didn't really answer my question. After I probed, he just said "Why couldn't she have come home just for 30 mins tomorrow, she's close family and close family is always keen to visit after someone has had surgery. House doesn't need to be clean, it's not an outsider coming home etc". Am I in the wrong here for not wanting to see her or anyone else for that matter? I feel a bit annoyed with both my husband and sister-in-law

As someone with a SIL who comes over all the time, you’re not in the wrong at all. I think you should rest and recover how you see fit! As it relates to the house being clean, he should’ve cleaned it for you. But since he didn’t, I agree with you not wanting anybody over family or not. I personally never let anybody in my house when it’s dirty

Yikes. Sorry but the problem here is more so your husband. Why isn’t he more empathetic towards you after you just had surgery and are bleeding? He didn’t have to give the SIL the cleaning excuse or any explanation at all. He could have just told her you’re in recovery and need to rest.