How long does it take to settle back into work after maternity leave? It’s been three days and I already want to quit

The short answer is a few months. The longer answer is that having a baby changes everything in your life, including your priorities and only you will know if your job fits into your new life the way you would like but this could take years to figure out

For some reason, the first week was brutal both times. I was comfortable after a few week. Now, years out, I’m so glad I didn’t freak out and bail.

I was you some years ago. It was really hard, and some days I definitely wanted to quit. I’d be so tired that I felt like I couldn’t think straight. Other days, I was on the verge of tears.
Yet other days, while it felt tenuous, I was doing it, handling what I needed to, pulling it off. There are 3 things that sustained me.

My fellow working moms. Find one or two working moms in your office, who can be a safe space when you’re in the struggle, laugh at the zany-ness, and whom you support when they’re in the struggle.

Flexibility. I was able to have a flexible, asynchronous schedule both times I came back from maternity leave. I’d work until 2:30 -3pm, pick the baby up from daycare, spend a few hours caring for my little sweetpea and then log back in and work for a few hours. It was exhausting, but getting those few hours made a big difference for me. I was really fortunate to have a boss who supported me.

Any adjustment you can get to address the hardest part is worth it. There’s a fluidity to mom-ing and working, which can have real benefits because each phase is relatively brief compared to the 40+ years of your career. When you think of it that way, it becomes a little easier to ask for some flexibility. Or put one foot in front of the other.

Partner handles an equal share. My husband cooked dinner, changed diapers, grocery shopped and helped. It took me a while to learn to let go, having grown up in a house where you didn’t ask for help. This was a mistake. You and your partner embarked on this WHOLE endeavor together. And by “WHOLE”, I mean your living situation, your shared life, all of the caregiving for your child. That partner “owns” the dishes, meals, scheduling doctors appointments, staying home with a sick kiddo, covering school vacation days, scrubbing the fridge or bathroom, etc. just as much as you. Our juggle has shifted over time, and become more equitable. There have definitely been times when I have had to push for more help. I strongly encourage you to approach this as a shared adventure and expect as much from and share as much with your partner as possible.

I hope you all hang in there. My oldest is a senior in high school. I’ve worked full time and reached a position I would never have dreamed I’d have. I have absolutely needed the intellectual stimulation, financial independence and identity that have come with my career. It is hard, but to me so worth it.

The secret for you right now is to just put one foot in front of the other every day and rest any chance you get. You have gotten to this very accomplished point in your life already and you’d be amazed at what you are capable of.

You got this!

At least six months

I’ve been back for 10 months after being on leave for 6 months and I’m realizing more and more that need a new job, this one doesn’t fit my new life and now I’m starting to take action.

It took me three months to get back in the biglaw grind but I hated having to work so much and never getting to see my family so I quit less than 6 months after that and went in house. To each their own. I’m glad I quit biglaw 🤣

I think it also depends on how comfortable you are with your childcare situation. I was only able to settle back in at work after we really ironed out our new routine at home. I’d say it took 3–4 months to get accustomed to all the changes.

I never felt "normal" about work while still breastfeeding and dealing with pumping. That aspect aside, it took until I was busy, which was probably 3ish months to ramp up.

I think 3ish months is suuuper normal. Also, when did you go back? Hormones go wild at 4 months (16 weeks PP when a lot of leaves end) and also as you stop or wean breastfeeding etc. I would have hormone dips even from dropping a feed, etc. While returning to work was definitely stressful for a whole host of reasons, it felt more impossible and anxiety-inducing (in retrospect) bc I was navigating hormone shifts regularly in the early months of my return. Wishing you the best. Give it some time but do what works for you and your new fam!

12 months.

I have 2 kids, took 12 weeks leave with each one. I pumped for about the first 3-4 months back at work, which for be was pretty difficult because I’m a family law attorney in a high volume office and always on the go. The first baby was during Covid times and zoom court so that made it slightly more bearable to pump. Either way, once I stopped pumping it got easier.

Aside from the pumping logistics, it takes me about a year to feel normal-ish. I’m nearing the two year mark after baby 2 and getting baby fever again, so just know that eventually your brain will wipe away all the hard parts!

Also agree with this once I stopped pumping it became much more manageable.

Until meds

6 months

3-4 months. Hang in there!