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Rising Star
For whatever it’s worth, my baby didn’t roll til almost 9 months and I really beat myself up about it. We were sent to PT and the support was so great — after one session and like 3 weeks of work at home, he got it, and within days of rolling he was crawling and pulling to stand and cruising too. Now he’s so fast and harder to take care of; we almost wish we’d let him stay an immobile little potato for a bit.
All this to say — we put too much on ourselves as first time moms. Take the support from PT and do what you can sure, but try not to stress too much. Every baby grows at their own pace. It sounds like you care so I’m sure it will be fine.
This is a completely normal feeling, even though it sucks. I have an almost 3 year old and am still on maternity leave with my second. I have felt like this to varying degrees since my first was born. And when I’m feeling like I’m doing better at one (lawyering or mom-ing) it feels like I’m failing at the other. And sometimes I feel like I’m failing at both. I’m sorry I don’t have any great advice for how to deal with these feelings. I’m trying to focus on being mentally present with my kids as much as possible (putting the phone down, making the most of the weekends, etc). I think it is really unrealistic how much is expected of lawyer moms (and working moms, and moms in general).
Rising Star
Just out of curiosity—what milestones is your 6.5 mo behind on? At that age, it’s great if they have rolled, but that’s basically it.
Also, who is caring for him? Does he receive loving, high-quality care from someone you trust while you’re working?
Thank you! I’m trying to just remind myself it’s because I care about him so much but also I want and need to work 😅
Milestones are not laws, momma. If baby isn't hitting them "on time" that's okay for now. Also, the fact that you are noticing and taking action is an indication of just how involved, attentive and concerned you are - all signs of a present and great mom, even if you aren't there for every second of it.
Please don't beat yourself up.
Also, for me support came in a local mom group that was very active on Facebook. I never joined them for in person stuff because they met at places I didn't want to go to, but I've been friends with some of them for 10 years now, strictly online and just a few miles apart. I highly recommend finding a group of people you can connect with. When I had my first my friends were still a few years from having kids and those friendships didn't help me or fulfill or support me in that chapter of life.
The advice every woman who is going back to work after having kids needs is this: you ARE going to feel like a shitty mom and a shitty lawyer a lot of the time. It’s. Not. True. But that feeling will come. The trick is learning how to silence (or at least quiet) that voice and get encouragement and reminders of how much was you’re kicking from people you support you. Also, I know so many babies you were “behind” milestones and they’re all caught up. Babe is doing stuff on their own time. It’s not a race. Bad parents don’t worry about being bad parents. You’re doing great.
Lots of SAHM’s have babies who are behind on milestones. Every kid develops at their own pace, it is absolutely not your fault because you work. My kiddo was late to crawl and walk and is a perfectly normal toddler now.