I am going through an unexpected and very painful break up with my boyfriend of 2 years. We were planning to get married next summer and have a family. I’m 38 (almost 39) and now it feels like my chances of having a family are gone, on top of mourning the loss of my best friend. I feel hopeless and keeping up with the rigors of law feels very difficult now. Any words of encouragement or positive experiences or stories would be appreciated.

I called off a wedding a few years ago with an extremely toxic man. Things were touch and go emotionally for several months. I told a few partners at my firm what was going on, and they were supportive. One even encouraged me to take a leave of absence if I needed it. I met my now husband just 9 months later, and am eternally grateful I did not marry my ex. This may not be your situation (toxic ex, supportive firm, quickly found my husband), but if you need time to mourn, people are generally understanding.

I called off a wedding in my mid thirties because my groom couldn't stay sober. Lovely man but not a future for myself or any potential children. I decided that being alone was better than being in a miserable situation. I focused on what made me feel whole, good work, interesting cases, reconnecting with friends I had neglected, went to the movies and dinner by myself if need be and reconnected with myself. Healing takes time so give yourself grace and take good care of yourself. Within six months of doing this I started dating a man who became my husband and we have two children. I had our son at 39. Your journey will be different but focus on making yourself happy in your own skin. Perhaps inappropriate but consider this a hug of comfort. I wish happier days in your future.

Sending you so much love. How hard that must be. You will absolutely be happy again but it will take time. If possible, take a short break from work. I think the hardest part of having a demanding job, way harder for me than just the day to day load, is when something else is going on at home and I have to focus. It’s so, so hard. Be kind to yourself

First of all I’m very sorry that you are going through this. This too shall pass. I know it’s impossible to feel that way now but I promise you, this is truly for the best. One thing I will say, get your eggs out ASAP if you have not done that already.

Why did you break up?

F

Sorry OP and hugs. Be kind to yourself. I wanted to speak to the part that you said about chances of having of a family. You don’t have to be in a (bad) relationship to have a child if that is ultimately important. I also found freezing my eggs helped put less pressure on dating. Even though I know it isn’t fool proof. I also started to learn more about the single/solo moms groups and podcasts. You have options.