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This is 2025, stop with the it’s man’s role this and woman’s role that.
Things change and evolve, don’t be stuck in the stone age mentality. Talk to your partner about it, and do what both of you feel is best for the family and your future.
PS: I am a woman if it helps.
It is the man's job to provide. It doesn't matter if we are in 2025 or 2855.
Your wife's money is hers, she can de what she wants with it (be it if she works or stays at home).
You need to budget according to your income, so maybe nothing fancy for now, but inchaAllah something affordable & respectable and Baraka will come.
In case situation is tough, please discuss with an imam or sheikh regarding your situation:)
Allahuma barik to your family
SC1 - I agree, but I don’t know how to save for a larger house etc. if everything will be going towards supporting the home
We always split rent 50-50 as we both make around the same salary. If I wanted something more expensive than what she's willing to pay, then I'd pay the difference. Occasionally when I have extra, I pay for everything plus bills just to let my wife enjoy her money. You just both have to come to an understanding about how to handle expenses in your house.
This seems like a great approach. Before you got married assuming you were able to align on this?
For us, it’s all one pot of money for all expenses. Practically, that’s what makes most sense - otherwise how do you split costs? E.g., by income or 50-50. How does one decide to pay for what category anyways? Are you going to send your partner invoices when you cover for them?
I sympathize with you OP - but I urge you to find someone who understands that marriage is a partnership, and while a man should at least work towards providing for a family, it shouldn’t fall all on the man itself, especially in today’s world where the cost of living is extraordinarily high even just for a single person
I have been on the cusp of getting engaged twice and I backed out because of the financial responsibilities doubling with no guaranteed increase in income. Take that for what you will, but I am much happier being single despite older than being married and financially stressed. (34M)
D1 - I resonate. When looking at this numbers it could mean saving nothing. I know a lot of people gloss over finances, but finances is definitely one of the largest conflicts
I’m 24F and haven’t really looked into dating / marriage yet so I don’t know what the prevailing outlook is here but this should vary on a case by case basis. If you’re looking for a traditional partner, someone who will do the majority of cooking, cleaning, and child rearing, you should also be a traditional provider (providing for major expenses). If you’re looking for a more equitable relationship in terms of both financial and domestic duties, be very clear with your potential partner. In NA, most women around my age want the latter, and they also want to be supported in their careers.
If I were a man, I would want the latter relationship but would prepare for my wife wanting to be a SHM for a few years, etc.
To give an example, my father paid for all housing expenses and my mom paid for groceries, schooling, and vacations. To each their own and GL!
Most women I wish wanted the latter. Maybe it changes once people are in late 20/ early 30s but genuinely struggled to find a girl who actually wants to work our marriage more than as a hobby or once the kids have fully grown up (which is a 15-20) peak career time hiatus
(Disclaimer I am not the OP that’s a different Deloitte 😅).
We split it knowing that we could afford something bigger/ nicer if we both chipped in.
I believe in the importance of partnership in marriage, including financial responsibilities. It's great when both partners contribute to housing costs, as it can ease the burden and foster teamwork. Every couple’s situation is different, so discussing finances openly is key. Have you talked about this with your partner?
F here.
When we both first got married and earned a lot less, he paid the rent and bills and gave an allowance for groceries. When we got kids, he gave an allowance to cover kids' cost, and I added any extra needed.
I contributed to the deposit for the house as I had bigger savings because I don't pay bills. He pays the mortgage and bills and gives a monthly allowance for myself and the kids . I pay for child care, extracurricular clubs, and extras without asking, buying clothes if needed, contributing to vacations, and other household essentials at my discretion. I know it's his role to provide, but I try as much as I can, and he allows me to.
I know many non Muslims have 50:50, but my spouse believes certain costs are divine responsibilities, and I respect that but try to ease the weight as much as I can and he allows
We used a professional marriage counsellor. Unfortunately, she's passed on now. If you see this, make dua for her
We did have like 1 hour sessions with the masjid leadership and the sheikh who conducted the nikkah, but that made no material impact. It was more tafsir type counselling
I'll recommend finding a proper marriage counsellor that is muslim, so has formal psychology training and understanding the teachings of the deen.she started us with personality tests, then we went through a 12 week program where we had to relect on certain topics separately, she reviewd our responses independently, identified any risk areas and then facilitated a session together to discuss a d give her recommendations