Is there something wrong with me that I'm okay with not being a stay at home mom? I hear from so many women that they wish they weren't working so they can be with their babies but I'm looking forward to the break.

I would be a truly horrid SAHM. I don't have the patience or temperment for it. I love doing weekend adventures with my kids and am involved in breakfast and dinner every day, but the idea of being a mom full time overwhelms me. My husband is a SAHD and we each know we couldn't trade places with the other.

10 weeks into my first maternity leave and I literally cannot wait to go back to the office. I love my kid but the monotony of the grunt work that is caring for a newborn just isn’t mentally stimulating enough for me.

No. This idea of a woman staying at home to take care of her family is a recent phenomena. Throughout most of recent human history you’d be working on a farm brutal hours or doing work outside the home to help your family earn a living like cleaning homes, cooking, etc. — and the rich had nursemaids, a nanny if not several, and all kinds of help.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to stay at home if that’s an option. And there is nothing wrong with not wanting to even if it’s not.

Nothing wrong with you. I could be a SAHM, but would be too bored. I’m not one of those women, unfortunately. I will always need something for myself, and have recently decided to refuse to feel guilty about it 🤷‍♀️

Nope. I could never be able to get over the anxiety of not being able to provide for my baby if I quit my job.

My now ex-husband left when I was pregnant. My girl and I are okay precisely because I work. I’ll never quit my job without independent wealth even if I marry again and have more children.

Being a SAHM takes an insane amount of patience and a really high tolerance/willingness to do a ton of household chores. Taking care of kids involves so much meal prep, meal cleanup, toy cleanup, etc etc, a lot of which can be readily outsourced without compromising any quality of time with kids. For me, working and outsourcing the drudgery, while prioritizing quality time with family, is the best option.

Nothing wrong with you. Motherhood looks and feels different for everyone at different stages, and also might change as your kids grow and your career changes. Do what's right for you

I RAN back to work after I had my babies. Sure I missed them but I didn't feel guilty. I looked forward to it.

I hear it often when women speak of their priorities changing once they've had a baby, but mine never did. If anything, being a mother gave me more motivation to work and move up.

I would never feel comfortable not having my own income.

My kids are now 11 and 7. As they’ve gotten older and their problems have become more complex, I’ve become more open-minded about what it means to be a good parent. When my kids were little my other lawyer mom friends and I were very focused on how being an attorney makes it harder to be a mom. But now I’ve also seen the ways that I’m a better mom because I’m an attorney. I know other parents who tell me they’re scared to speak up to the school principal if they don’t like something that is going on or their kids’ needs aren’t being met. Or they’ll mention being uncomfortable advocating for their kids generally because they’re just not used to being in conflict situations or situations where they may not be liked. I don’t love having to complain to the principal about stuff but if I know my kids’ needs won’t be met unless I speak up, I speak up. I’ll never be president of the PTA but I always have their back.

I 100% am not SAHM material. 8 weeks with my first and I was DYING to go back. My anxiety subsided significantly having a break from being a mom.

I now have two girls. I love them both tremendously, but the newborn stage is so hard. My husband and I split the caregiver responsibilities equally. My girls are both in school/preschool. They’re loved. They’re cared for.

FWIW, my mother was also the working parent, primary breadwinner, and she also was there when I needed it. I never once felt neglected or ignored by her. I’m actually closer to her than I am my father, who was our primary caretaker most of my childhood.

I have not been a SAHM. However, due to COVID and then launching my own solo practice, I have had plenty of time with my kids. In theory I wouldn’t mind being a SAHM, but once they are in school, what am I supposed to do with myself all day? Laundry, vacuum, cook? This is not 1950.

I’m proud of you for wanting to remain in the workforce.

There’s something to be said about our obligation to stay practicing and pave the way for other female lawyers. We put in the hours and achieved something that many in our parent’s generation couldn’t hope to reach. It’s a bit disappointing to me as a young female lawyer to see other women quitting to stay home. There are other options that provide more flexibility than BigLaw and allow you to be present for your children while maintaining your practice.

If all of (or the majority of) the women lawyers quit to stay at home when they’ve reached a certain level of security, you risk (1) lack of women mentors in upper level positions, (2) perception by men that investing in women is a waste of time because they “just quit eventually”, and (3) reduced influence in shaping culture and the industry for the betterment of all.

Yes

Nothing wrong with you not wanting to be a SAHM. My mom is someone who finds joy in the homemaking process, and I appreciate a lot of those things too. But I know I don’t have the temperament for a life of stroller walks and play dates and enrichment activities, to the exclusion of adult things like the intellectual challenge of law. I do plan to rearrange my schedule to be home with my family more during the early years, but my husband is going to be the primary caregiver, and my mom will live with us part time to help with the baby. Do what works for you.

If there is something wrong with you, there is something wrong with me too - so I vote no. I don't want to be a SAHM and I would not be good at it. I don't have the temperament for it and I like the external validation I get from working (mostly. there are some clients that could be quieter).

We are all different and that is part of the beauty of the human experience!
Don't let other's opinions of what we "should want" or what is "natural" deter you from finding your happiness. Take it from someone who spent a huge chunk of her life doing just that and finding no joy or reward in it!

I can't begin to tell you how many people are shocked that I, who have always been "great with children" am not interested in being a SAHM. I feel like it would crush my individuality to give up decades of academic and professional experience to do so. I am so against it that I married a man who is ready, willing and wanting to be a SAHD (we are currently TTC). A lot of people, especially online- without knowing any further details- judge us for it. Some claim our marriage won't last, that he lacks ambition, that he will never understand the pressures of my work life, that our "roles are inverted", and on and on and on. Little do they know he is quite a professionally accomplished man himself who currently does volunteer work without any buzz around it. He had a fully rewarding career that he retired from at the top of his game, can get back into the game in a heartbeat if he wanted to, and due to great financial planning currently brings home more than I do -more than twice as much actually. During our entire marriage he has been my biggest supporter when it comes to my career goals, going above and beyond pitching in when I ask (please note those last 3 words! when I ask!) by sharing his experience or even his contacts to make my life easier at work. Best of all, he is open to me taking time off once a baby comes or even retiring all together.

As one of my mentors used to say "haters gonna hate, just make sure not to hate yourself!"

My son is now 17. I was on maternity leave for 11 weeks and finally felt like myself only when I went back to work. Four years after my son was born I got divorced. I was so relieved that I could support myself and my son independently. You need to make the right choice for you, but there is nothing wrong with wanting to work and have kids. There is so much to being a parent over the course of their childhood that is not about being together all day and so many ways you can be role model and support to your children.

Nothing wrong at all, many of us feel the same way.

Lol no. I would go insane as a SAHM. It might be akin to the slow slide into crazy like in The Shining. 😵‍💫😳

Nothing wrong. After my first I went back part time (4 days a week) I love my kids but I also love my job. I see my work differently now and I’m honestly probably a better worker because of it! I know I couldn’t have the patience or stamina to be a full time sahm.