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Following because I've gotten some terrible advice like this from childless women partners more than male. So interested to hear others' stories. Sometimes it rolls off my back. Other times it really rattles me and makes me feel like it's rather black and white - being an involved mother or partner.
I still hear it occasionally. Sometimes meant as a joke, sometimes serious. I'm still super-sensitive to anything that insinuates that I have to prioritize the job over family.
I mean, I got similar advice from my own mother. Unfortunately this being good at this job will definitely mean you miss some things you wish you didn’t have to miss. It’s ok to be ambitious. Missing some things you wish you could be present for doesn’t make you a bad mom. It’s incredibly personal, and there’s no one way to be a fantastic working mom. If you’re finding you’re very reactive to these comments maybe it’s because you’re feeling guilty? Not that you should. At all.
I appreciate your input. While I totally understand that this job means being less involved and missing some things, I want to be the one making that decision. I had found that these comments are decisive (ie you’ll need to miss daughters recital on Saturday to work if you want to be partner) rather than passive comments about working mom. On the one hand, I get that there is a level of “judgment” towards working moms, but on the other it feels like I have to prove I’m capable simply because I’m a mom. BTW - I fully recognize that this may be a firm problem, but I would love to know others perspective on whether this is a more global issue I should expect to face.
When you can push back on a meeting or swap with someone you can make some events that at first glance you think you can’t make. You can’t be at two places at once so you do have to choose some times. But it sounds like it is a firm problem.