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Chief
I tend to overwork myself and it’s really taking a toll on my mental well-being. I want to learn a lot and prove myself to my superiors so that they recognize me/see value. Now my work has a sense of dread to it. I watched my parents be workaholics growing up, so it’s all I know. I’m also goal-oriented and driven, so achieving a lot scratches that itch for me. But, it’s making me want to quit cause I’m burned out and depressed….im not sure what to do. Any suggestions would be helpful.
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Dang, sorry I meant to comment on the post!
Rising Star
Jummah Mubarak Fam ☪️💚
14 Muharram 1444
Any Saudi folks here? Alf Mabrook!
Chief
Jummah Mubarak Fam ☪️💚
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Tell him you will do the dishes, cook meals, house cleaning and laundry but he needs to take care of being a provider and responsible for all financial worries.
And tell him you respect his role as head of the family and will obey him.
He definitely dodged a bullet.
Marriage is all about partnership, being stronger together than being alone. I understand the Islamic perspective but it’s not appropriate to cherry pick certain islamically-derived rights while not giving him (or her) their own rights. The practical reality is that it it’s very difficult for a single salary to sustain a full family in the West, just like it’s very difficult for an individual person to manage the household (especially if they’re working). If the goal is to split finances in such a way, then you might want to be transparent about what you expect your partner to earn, and the standard of living that you expect.
My advice: rather than focusing on this harsh split of cash flow, the focus with potentials should be more on the approach to spending habits (incl. the occasional splurge), managing CC or other debt, savings and retirement goals, elderly care etc. These are all factors that will directly affect the family’s quality of life, both of which you and your partner are equally responsible for
If your motivation to work and make money wasn't to build a better life for the children you want and the family/household you want to create, then what was? To live a hedonistic life of self involved instant gratification?
I will only spend my own money on my shopping. I am not going to put a pressure on my husband for that. I am using my own money, to take care of my parents and gifts for others, or my other needs. So I don’t know where you get off on your lecture about hedonism and selfishness! 😤
Marriage is all about give and take. Sounds like your perspective were too far apart, which happens and better to find out sooner than later. The name calling is honestly unnecessary.
I agree. As a man I would want to provide for my wife in anyway I can because I am a provider. If she wants to work, fine. And if she doesn’t, that’s fine too because at the end of the day I got us
Preach it to the single men! 💔
His money is certainly yours too but you should also understand that he has certain duties towards his relatives and I hope you’re not of the type to stop him from fulfilling those.
And maybe this guy you’re talking to doesn’t know about all this. When I got married I didn’t clearly know all this but later found out after watching videos of different scholars on YouTube.
Sad that people still think like This in 2025. It’s this reverse progressivism that has set Muslims (particularly women) well behind in society. Shocking that people are even agreeing, supporting and encouraging these antiquated gender roles.
100%%%%%
Who did you wrong
lol sister. Talking for 2 weeks to like this guy, and he had great confidence, and so many green flags I really liked our texts, and we were like going for our 1st meeting today and his views just like turned me off and working after having children. So i just felt a little heartbroken and needed a place to vent.
I agree. Curious though would you not help out with housing costs at all?
I don’t disagree - from an Islamic perspective. But what if a husband can’t afford a decent place to live and then save money?
@Apple - in the past, you’ve had a balanced response to this topic…