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Chief
She lost her kid, this isn't about you. Be her loving and supportive brother for however she needs
Chief
I agree with ED here. The sister lost her son and if it helps the sister to send pictures to be reminded about him, then she should be able to. Mom > aunt
I totally understand how you’re feeling. When my cousin passed away, I had a really hard time around their birthday too. My aunt would send old photos, and even though I knew it came from a place of love, it just hit me too hard. Eventually, I gently told her that I needed to grieve in my own way, and she understood. It’s okay to set that boundary, everyone processes loss differently, and protecting your heart doesn’t mean you love him any less.
I don’t think polite is the right target here. This is clearly an emotional loss for her and for you. It could be pretty alienating to just politely ask not to share in her emotions. A phone call or a visit would be a better way to actually connect and support each other, whereas text communication (including sharing pictures) doesn’t quite do that, and just leaves you to stew on the emotions on your own.
This might not be the advice you want to hear but I am gonna offer anyways. Go look up Ring Theory. The closer the people are to the center of the suffering the harder it is. I am sorry that you are suffering, but I really think it is a bit cold and heartless to ask the mom who lost her child to not send you pictures - because whatever pain you feel, she feels it 1000X worse. If the role is reversed, and you are the one sending pictures, I support her to ask you to not do so, or if another relative wants to send you pictures, I support you to tell them no as well. Please, be there for your sister.
Not sure what advice to give you here but don’t lose perspective. That was her son. Her body created him. She felt him in her tummy.
Chief
I think you have to be honest. Maybe you can phrase it like, you know how much I love (nephew) , I just want you to know that I have enough pictures of him and don’t need any more at this point. Tell her, it’s just too hard! She’ll understand. ❣️
That's a vulnerable situation and it's okay to set that boundary. You'll just have to do it in a tender and compassionate way. I say, send your sister a message and explain that you have been thinking about his birthday and how much you miss him. And then explain that seeing pictures is really difficult for you but that doesn't mean that you're not remembering or honoring him.
You don’t. She’s the mother and allowed to do whatever makes her feel better. Don’t open the email. And if you are talking about social media then you definitely say nothing
Chief
Also, not wanting pictures now could change in 2 or 5 years when seeing his picture won’t be so emotionally charged for you.
I’m sorry for your loss. Grief is a natural part of life, and speaking with a therapist can help you process your emotions and find ways to honor and celebrate his life, rather than feeling like you need to move on or forget him.
Chief
That is a tough spot. Your sister most likely needs a lot of support on this day and probably feels that celebrating his life and sharing photos with love ones is therapeutic (for her). Is there anyway you can delete or filter the email but send your sister a supportive note outside her anniversary communication?