Teen parents: My son had a flip phone and is getting frustrated because he cannot download memes that his friends text to him. My preference is not to buy an iPhone - is there something we can get him that doesn’t dominate his time?

You need to hold the line on this. The longer you delay a smart phone the better. He wants the memes and his friends find them addictive in the same way fast food, alcohol, and drugs are addictive. The fact he really wants it is the very reason you have to say no.

Stay strong 😓
How old is your son?

I’m pretty interested in these phones and what the constant use does to our kids. I’ve done a lot of reading on these phones bc our kids all over the United States are struggling academically and emotionally. I do not think the ‘Dept of education’ state/federal level (state makes all decisions re- curriculum and funding and the federal govt handles funding for states and legal oversight, research) is to blame for our kids lack of reading and math skills. Both of which have which need strong executive functioning skills and long term memory, as a foundation. Do we need to tweak and modify the Dept of Ed- yes! Hands down but these phones with their well researched and specifically prescribed algorithms, their addictive quality- constant need to look at their phone and scroll, as well as these online chats and Russian and Chinese bots is so f-ing scary. i Phones hinder language, emotional and cognitive skills and it correlates with increased anxiety, low self-worth, and suicidal thoughts.

The brain continues to develop into the mid-20s (like 25 for girls and 27 for boys- generally speaking), and heavy phone use during these years can definitely mess up/ interfere with the development of self-regulation and impulse control (part of executive functioning skills) . Since I’m not a teacher but a school social worker/mental health support; phone use is one of my top questions I ask when I meet w a student bc it’s so telling for me. And kids love to share their phone use/gaming use/ YouTube use with me lol

Research shows that “it’s not really how long kids are using screens that really matters; it’s how they’re using them and what’s happening in their brains in response,” says Rich, director of the Center on Media and Child Health at Boston Children’s Hospital, associate professor of pediatrics at HMS, and associate professor of social and behavioral sciences at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health.”

“The growing human brain is constantly building neural connections while pruning away less-used ones, and digital media use plays an active role in that process, according to Rich. Much of what happens on screen provides “impoverished” stimulation of the developing brain compared to reality, he says. Children need a diverse menu of online and offline experiences, including the chance to let their minds wander. *”Boredom is the space in which creativity and imagination happen,” he says.”https://hms.harvard.edu/news-events/publications-archive/brain/screen-time-brainv if your interested

The effects of screen time, while it can be great for educational/learning reasons; the number of cognitive areas such as again executive functioning, sensorimotor development (awareness of body in space) , long term memory, emotional regulation, cognitive flexibility and impulse control is not developing as richly or fully as it can due to chronic phone use.


‘The Primal Teen’ Barbara Strauch was one of the best books I read bc of my 3 sons who were getting to be that teen age yrs or were already young teens lol

Fyi- Executive function skills are the mental processes that allow a person to control their thoughts, manage their actions, and effectively navigate the world around them. These higher-level cognitive abilities include skills like working memory, flexible thinking (or cognitive flexibility), and inhibitory control. Other important executive functions are planning, organization, task initiation, and self-monitoring

Sorry for the rant.

Keeping that kid off a smart phone is likely one of the most impactful parenting decisions you will make. Hold the line. Memes are not worth the mush brain.

Try a Gabb phone - it’s designed for kids and younger teens to give them access to things like texting, non-social apps, and music but no social media and there are other restrictions as well

He's a teen and I have a 13 yr old that won't leave his room. But I found it helpful to limit there screen time. Give him a couple different time frames to choose from and you stick strictly to them.

I think you all are making me stay with the flip phone. Thanks for the notes- luckily my oldest hasn’t complained too much. My youngest on the other hand..

We held the line on the flip phone until about driving age. Our oldest kids later thanked us for that. They said it kept them out of a lot of stuff that they were glad to be left out of (group chats that turned dramatic and troublesome, and I’m sure other things that they didn’t share with us.).

Recommend reading The Anxious Generation

My older daughter has iMessage account to use with friends on a “family” ipad that doesn’t have a password, doesn’t leave our main living space and is regularly checked by me.

Since he’s used to texting somewhat privately I would guess he won’t like that option though…

Unpopular opinion but in today’s world screen time is basically a necessity. You’re going to limit his screen time so he can hit the books and get a good job where he gets paid a lot to look at a screen? Just get the iPhone my parents took this flip phone stance when I was in high school and the bullying affects my mental health to this day.

Don't you want him to be have the ability to use technology on par with others now and when he grows up ? I would recommend you get your kid the S26 Ultra with 16GB of Ram in January when it comes out and or actually Samsung Trifold Phone in October that can be used as a Laptop and I'm not saying it's not pricey it is, but you would actually be helping your kid out a lot by letting him use technology as this what many schools and jobs require.

My kids get plenty of technology at school. Like five hours a day on a screen. I don’t need to be adding to it at night as they’re plenty savvy.

Hold the line on that flip phone. If it’s an issue of look factor, consider the Troomi plan. It’s a Samsung galaxy so it looks cool but my kids still cannot get pictures and it’s only 20 bucks a month.