Women here that are the breadwinners, ambitious ones and your man is more chill, fun and contributes type, does it work out for you two still? He doesn’t get insecure etc?

Mine has a good job, 6 figure salary (uk where this is less normal than US), way more chill than mine. I earn more than twice his salary, have to travel more for work, way more pressure. It works for us - he’s super supportive, we have a great standard of living with our two combined salaries, and for the most part there’s no insecurity about me earning way more, as well as having significantly more future earning potential too. We do sometimes have an odd bump - the last time I got a bit salary jump, I suggested he puts less in our joint bills account and I put more, and he basically said he’s not lowering what he puts in as he feels like he still needs to contribute substantially. I still increased mine anyway, so it gives us more of a buffer for home improvements etc. it’s weird because even though he’s generally supportive, there’s still this 2% of ingrained behaviour from societal pressure that he even acknowledges is totally unnecessary. We work through it together though, and enjoy the life that it brings.

My man is more chill and less ambitious and still makes more 🙃

It takes balance. Ive always been the risk taker and the ambitious one. Hes's a go getter but his pace isn't always as fast as mine. Hes very conservative and measured. His love language is quality time and physical touch, mine are acts of service and gift giving so sometimes we have to meet in the middle with time spent and financial investments. I'm very clear about my intentions and hes always supportive. Sometimes I have a let him lead so he knows I value his opinion (although in my head im going to do what I want regardless). Hes very secure with himself and thats what makes this work IMO.

We have been married over 20 years, still works I guess! Not worrying about what other people think is important. He is so chill it never affected him, but his family still doesn’t get us and gives weird vibes.

When we got married I earned more. Never an issue. What changed the dynamic was when I cut back after we had a child. We agreed to this beforehand, and his income was growing, so there was no net change in our income. However, when his income passed mine, I noticed a subtle change. He wanted to be a bit more controlling. So glad we maintained separate accounts, so I never had to discuss the cost of things I wanted to buy for myself or our daughter. So, in my experience earning more kept a better power balance.

I have some friends who echo this concern and see it coming up often, which is unfortunate. It’s interesting because I date women and in these dynamics it’s typically full steam on support, perks I suppose.

When I first met my husband, he wasn’t as ambitious; however, once he saw how driven I was/am, he stepped up. Currently, he makes 10% more and gets a significantly bigger bonus so he covers the majority of our bills. If I did make more, I don’t think he would be as chill because he likes to be the “provider” — works for us for now.

I’ve been with my husband for almost 20 years. In the last ~8 I’ve really taken over in an earnings capacity and he went freelance as a creative where he is very succesful but earnings are unpredictable (eg 1 year is 200k and 1 year is 50k based on projects). I wouldn’t want this any other way! Now that we have a child it’s incredible that he can be so flexible and available so I can work when I need to and we both get to spend time with our kid. It works great for us.