Are there any ways to force yourself to not think about looks/physical attraction at all while trying to find a partner and just focus only on other aspects: nature, personality, alignment with values, (and education, maybe)? I've been trying online dating for years but not much luck. I had success with only one woman and I was physically attracted to her but our values didn't align. So, I feel like if I can force myself just to focus on other aspects, I might have some success. Plz Help🙏🏻TIA

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For more context:
- I'm an Indian Hindu Man in my early 30s.
- I was born and raised in India and currently working in the states. One might say there are many Indian women in the US but here is the catch: (based on my experience and interactions) in most cases (not all), Indian American women generally prefer Indian American men and Indian born women professionals generally prefer men with green cards!
So, I feel like my ideal pool is already too small.

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There’s two ways to look at this. You decide how you want to be, we can’t make that decision for you.
1. Physical attraction matters in relationships. You’re fooling yourself if you think it doesn’t and it can lead to resentment down the road. You need to be at least somewhat attracted or there won’t be any feelings other than platonic. Do you plan to have children? Looks matter.
2. From your own self description in a previous comment, you may be average looking at best. I’m not sure what you’re aiming for but you gotta bring yourself down a notch if you want to find someone. Don’t let your own ego stand in the way. There’s plenty of fish in the sea but if your just an anemone waiting for someone to come to you, chances are low that you’ll serendipitously meet your perfect match given all your restrictions. It’s a hard truth but you have to settle if everything else that matters to you aligns. No one has everything. Women might look at you and think the same, he’s great but short. Like how does that feel? It’s so superficial.

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Both parties have to be attracted to each other or it won’t work long term. There are no “hacks” in a relationship

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Why not find someone in India? Use matrimonial sites - very effective based on a few marriages I have seen. And it’s a very large pool.

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yup, at this point, I'm trying almost every single app out there. But I hardly get a match.
@SVP1, I like your idea and thank you for that. I do my best to attend some social events but my circle is kinda tiny. So, I'm not sure what my odds are.

Can tell you from experience: if you are not attracted to your partner, you will not have a happy relationship. Personality, values, behavior are all important as well. But those alone will not sustain the relationship.

Be real about your looks obviously, but don’t ignore physical attraction. And, it is also unfair to the woman entering into the relationship.

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Short answer is no. It’s part of the entire thing, if you are not attracted to someone then you are just doing it for the sake of doing it.

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Are you attractive?

I’ve noticed that if you take care of your own appearance, then it’s hard not to judge others for their appearance. I value my appearance, and I would like someone who values their appearance. And there’s nothing wrong with that!

You deserve someone you are attracted to, and realistically, marriages don’t work if the people arent physically attracted to each other.

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