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You get to decide what aligns with your values and what doesn’t.
For me, it would be a red flag if she didn’t at least offer to pay on the second date, and it doesn’t have to be an expensive one either.
The only red flag is having a value or boundary and then not respecting it.
Realize that A LOT of women still live with that 1950's attitude that "men are providers". We fight for equal pay for women, but we don't update social attitudes to match, and so you run into this situation.
Only you can say it's important. I'd say for date 2, flag it as something to watch, but don't throw the bath water out yet.
Maybe bring up a money conversation and see. No point continuing if your values don't match.
You will never find what you're looking for shopping at the wrong store, so if yoru values don't match, thank her for her time and then walk tall.
exactly. a d do it asap, as her time is also valuable
But would you let her pay if she offered? I think that the man should always pay regardless of who asked the other out.
In my experience, women who don't offer to pay early on never actually pay even later in the dating process.
In the past, I have cut it off after 4 or 5 dates. Just doesn't align with my values.
I do expect her to make an offer to pay, although I am prepared to pay every time
nah, in the past i did offered to pay, because it s a ceremony, a woman suggests, a man rejects.
but in Europe men accept it😆😆😆.
So i realised i should not suggest if i dont want to ruin a date, because i would lose an interest and any attraction to a man who does not pay on dates, so why to give him this chance if i like him.
so if i like a man i do not suggest to split.
if i dont like a man, i split even if he insists to pay, as i know i will never see him again
If it's bothering you now, say something now. Communication is key to any relationship. You can bring it up by asking what she thinks about paying for dates, not that you want her to pay.
i agree.
i would be extremely bothered if a man felt uncomfortable to pay on dates at the beginning of a relationship, so i would prefer to know it in advance and stop with him asap.
Community Builder
Big red flag. Go for another date and then re assess! Many are out there for free dinners! There will be 10 other matches she would have on Hinge!
exactly. always remember that a woman spends 200 euro at least to prepare herself for a date, all this effort to get a free dinner.
men forgot nowadays that women spent time with them not because of them, but because of food
OP if a woman allows you to pay on a date, it s a privilege, not a right.
What if she paid and said "I guess we are friends, because friends split the bill"?
Hard to say with just the facts. She could just be more traditional or taking advantage… hard to say. Trust yourself
I think it should be whoever asked the other person out. So your concern is valid. However, it depends on whether it’s a big deal. Most men I met would say they prefer that the woman pays but it’s not a deal breaker. Maybe she just wasn’t your dream type so you are offended by this act
Not sure what you mean ny she's not my dream type PwC1.
I would have had the same reaction no matter how hot she was. And to be clear, she's quite attractive. But that means nothing here.
No wine and dine her
She could be testing you idk. If after third date and she doesn’t offer, then I would say it’s a red flag 🚩
till wedding or starting living toger
after wedding u have shared budget anyway
Does your GF take care of all household chores then and ensure your meals are ready?
OP i honestly do not understand why you reinvent the wheel.
There r certain rituals in dating, just follow them.
If you want to see a woman AND she wants to see you again, you will take the bill.
if she does not want to see you again, she will insist on splitting the bill.
If you do not want to see her again, you can suggest splitting the bill, so she will understand you do not see her as a romantic partner. It s k on the 1st date, but if you do it on the further dates, it would be rude, better to pay the bill and tell her directly, that no romantic thing.
ZSA, if you change this, you will take romantic and caring elements out of dating, which is extremely important during the courtship stage of dating.
and reduces sexual desire toward a man/kills his masculinity
why to do that and ruin dating for a couple of hundreds of usd if u like a woman?
for women during the courtship stage, it's important to see if you want to spend your resources/invest in "us" thing OR you are simply looking for a "good time" . Because it helps to women to filter with which men to go out, because all men tell the same stories that they are looking for a relationship , etc
so only the one who is ready to share his resources is truly interested
think, maybe you are simply not interested enough in that particular woman
As toxic as this sounds, this is why if im the only one financially contributing i expect sexual access by the 3rd date. So if i were you she'd have 1 left before i assume that shes not actually attracted to me and probably prefers to just be friends. We can still talk, but i dont take her out any more.
Its one sided and completely unfair for modern women to expect men to constantly spend money courting them without eventually expecting anything in return. Especially in todays economy. Women now use men for free dates in the exact same way that men will string a girl along just for the sex. Both genders want to protect themselves from being used. So its either 50/50 equal reciprocating on effort & dating expenses, or sexual access. Im cool with either one, you pick the adventure.
i went today on the 1st date with a man. He was nice but as per my impression he is for a "friends" zone, so i paid not only for me, but for him as well :)
he was very polite and tried to pay for both of us but i did not allow.
no sense to accept this gesture from a man as I am not gonna see him again.
As a woman, the issue of paying on dates is a no win situation. If I don’t contribute, the guy might think I’m using him. If I contribute, he may think I’m not interested in seeing him again. If I offer to pay but don‘t insist when he says no, then it might look like I only offered out of obligation. I’m aware that some women use men to get free meals or drinks, but some of us just don’t know what to do in these situations because everyone has an opinion, but no one communicates openly about it.
If you like this woman, just have a conversation about this. She might just be doing what she thinks she’s supposed to do.