Did anyone else feel like the rules at work were invisible until you broke one? I spent a lot of energy trying to read the room instead of doing my job. How did unspoken rules show up for you?

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Nothing worse than playing a game you do not know the rules of. I’m not sure why it happens, or how many rules get broken that people genuinely had no clue about. A place working against me is so hard to deal with.

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That metaphor is spot on. I think the hardest part is when the rules aren’t just unspoken, but enforced anyway.

It seems like every workplace has some level of unwritten rules that are passed down like folklore over the years. In some cases they may make sense, but a lot of times it's just inertia that keeps them going. I can recall doing some things that didn't conform with some rule somebody probably made years before I got there, and I just shrugged it off. Sometimes it's easier to just go along with tradition, especially if it's something that's more or less trivial.

That’s a great way to put it, “folklore” really resonates. I agree that some unwritten rules are harmless, but what stood out for me was when they weren’t trivial and still weren’t named. That’s when it stopped feeling like tradition and started feeling like extra emotional labor just to avoid missteps.

Rules are hidden in big policy documents that no one sees

That is true too

Reading a room is not my skillset

That’s alright. Everything can be worked on.

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