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As someone who struggles with this and benefitted from therapy, you need therapy. If your job isn't at risk, you shouldn't have to feel this emotionally invested in billable hours when you already believe you have"legitimate" reasons for not hitting hours.
Keep putting in the emotional work, and take it one day (or 6 minutes) at a time if you need to. Consider looking into Jeena Cho's work on mindfulness for lawyers (The Anxious Lawyer is a popular book), or she also offers coaching if you need additional support! I think of therapy as answering "why" and coaching answers "how" so different tools for different needs.
Some perspective from someone that has always billed a lot of hours, I was surprised when I made partner and got access to all the financial data on how few people billed like I did. At least at my firms, 3-5% of associates bill above 2100 and a large number of associates miss the billing requirement (maybe half?). Same goes with partners. A lot of them bill way under the partner required hours. I’ve always considered it a requirement and not a goal post. Point is, you are not an anomaly. You are doing the same as probably half of your peers. Maybe it will make you feel better to know that this is normal.
I’m currently closer to AmLaw 100 than 50 and was previously at AmLaw200. I’m not saying you will make partner at even making minimum hours but that’s just a step into even more work. I also have a spouse as a partner at an AmLaw 30 firm and they see the same thing with associates. There are obviously big firms that pride themselves with insane hours where you won’t last so it definitely depends where you are. If you are lower on hours, having great work product and a great attitude / likability helps a lot.
All the time
For me it’s less about the hours and more about the feelings of failure. If I can’t solve a problem, if I have to ask for help, if I get a heavy markup back, etc
Winter makes me want to end it all
Hey, friend, maybe you're just being glib but if you're not pls go talk to a mental health professional. You deserve support.
Oh, interesting. At the risk of sounding annoying, I don’t feel like a “bad person” if I am doing poorly at work (although I do feel bad). In case my jaded perspective helps, remember you’re just a cog in the machine. Failing to work hard for someone else doesn’t make you bad a person, it just (maybe) makes you a bad cog.
Why would you feel bad. Was the work available?
Don’t self-cut your hours. That’s a partner-level decision. And yes, I get the tension here. Even so, you’re not in a position to make that call. As difficult as it may be, push against doing that.
The koolaid is strong. Sorry you feel this way. I blame the firm. But good coping mechanisms are needed to make it through these patches.
Less complaining, more billing…failure to hit hours is 100% on you, particularly if your firm offers hour-for-hour pro bono credit. And if you don’t like capitalism or having a work ethic…..quit?
Yes because your experience at one firm in a specific practice group is the same as everyone else’s experience at every other firm in your same practice group and every other practice group
Everyone has imposter syndrome
Yes, absolutely. We shouldn’t…but we do
You should pay carful attention to how you feel and feeling good should be your priority
You should listen to your body before your body will taken an action for you
You should pay attention to your thoughts because they create your reality
You need a break
Your mental health first then everything 2nd
Sometimes that feeling is our gut telling us that there are problems that are beyond our control. I worked at a place that was considered outstanding for the most billable hours. When I took over the caseload of a departing colleague and attempted to contact these clients it became apparent that the previous therapist had submitted fraudulent claims of service. In a nutshell adjust your expectations to the situation and work for people that can acknowledged that.