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Not me. He's better than most, but 100% of the mental load falls on me.
I mean, you're not wrong. But I can't travel his healing journey for him. I can only work on my own.
Truly equal where each parent does 50% of each task? Not sure that’s possible.
I think it helps that we are both “doing” something, so one person isn’t just chilling on their phone while you’re busy doing stuff. We pick up each other’s “slack” for sure. I do bedtime with both girls, but he’s cleaning up the kitchen/living room every single evening while I’m doing that.
He does all the lawn care, food shopping and most of the cooking + mental load associated with that. I do the “kids” shopping for clothes, diapers, etc. and medical appointments and carry most of the mental load associated with them.
Once we made lists of all the things we each do, that helped us both curb most of the resentment. There were a lot of things we didn’t realize the other person was doing. But I also have a “good” one - he was a very young single dad for a long time before me and so was already doing a lot of these things.
I think equal partner shifts and changes. Some days I don't have 50% in me, so I try not to judge when he's not putting 50% in. We both step in when the other is struggling, and sometimes, we are both struggling at the same time. I've learned to let smaller things go. The world won't end if the kitchen doesn't get cleaned tonight. Laundry might be behind. House isn't as clean. But we're both here trying our best or express concern/ frustrations as we go, so it's not a powder keg.
I do. When we both worked full time it was a very equal split (both cpas, me in public him in industry), now that he’s home full time I would say it’s still fairly even in terms of what i do at home vs what he has picked up. If he didn’t do what he does, no way I could maintain the pace I am running…