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I had a similar experience, it took me a while to understand that some meetings are really a performance for certain individuals. They want to hold court and preen and there really isn't any interest in having new ideas brought up or considered. Sometimes you're required to be in the meeting, but you're expected to be audience, not performer.
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That distinction you made between audience and performer really hits. It explains why so many people leave meetings feeling smaller instead of sharper. When participation is reduced to watching someone “hold court,” it stops being collaboration altogether.
It's funny, I came to the same realization in therapy. I was having such a hard time focusing during our weekly meetings and I felt that I was always distracted. But in reality, I was just being ignored. Every time I try to chime in, I would get disregarded. Eventually I just checked out and struggled to check back in.
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Thank you for naming that. Being ignored can absolutely masquerade as a focus issue when it’s really a relational one. It’s exhausting to keep showing up authentically in spaces that don’t acknowledge your voice, no wonder checking out becomes a form of self-protection.
Rising Star
Totally! It’s mad how some people in meetings just don’t really care what other people have to say
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It really is wild. After a while you start wondering if it’s about ideas at all or just airtime.
That shift from collaboration to performance changes the whole energy of a room. It makes you question whether it’s worth contributing, which says a lot about the culture more than the people in it.
Rising Star
Weirdly had this too, it felt like the people that just talked the loudest got the most focus in the meetings.
Rising Star
It really can feel that way. Volume isn’t the same as value, but in some rooms it gets treated like it is. I’ve started noticing the difference between spaces that reward the loudest voice and ones that make space for thoughtful input. The latter always produces better ideas in the long run.