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Uxbridge itself is pretty bad, not sure I’d live there but it’s an option for both your commutes. The villages surrounding Uxbridge are nice though. Really depends on your travel budgets, how close you want to be to London, lifestyle... I think there are probably better commutes for you both outside of London due to fast/slow trains mix - even Reading is a better option.
Denham, high denham, Gerrards cross and along the children line are really nice but expensive places. Good school access if that’s important and easy to drive or get train to Oxford. It’s about 25 mins to Marylebone from there. Also Rickmansworth could be considered
Even better get the train to Paddington, only takes 50 mins
So I went to schooling Uxbridge and lived near there (Hayes) for most of my life. It’s considerably improved as an area, there is the Uxbridge town centre, pavilion and the into which are all decent shopping centres. It’s not a glamorous area but does have all the essentials and good public services like transport, library etc. Because it’s the last line on the metropolitan service, it’ll be empty when you get in which is nice. You can check online how long it takes for you to get to work, but Uxbridge is closer and more convenient to get to London then if you were in Oxford
Where will you be working in London?
Where will SO be working in Oxford?
I've lived in Uxbridge and Oxford over the years.
Personally didn't particularly enjoy Uxbridge. Has a decent town centre for shopping but there is nothing else going on there so you have to travel into London (which does take a while) for anything more entertaining. Might have got better in Ux as I lived there about 8 years ago.
Also assume all your friends in London will live in North or East and so you may end up being the one to always have to travel across London to see people. You get bored of the journey very quickly.
Another option could be Shep Bush Holland Park. I also lived there for many years and has the Oxford Tube coach which can get you from Shep Bush to Central Ox in 1:20 (traffic dependant).
And conversely to that you could like at the edge of Oxford near Thornhill Park & Ride to enable you to get coach into London (depends where you are going to be working in London).
I'm actually doing up a place to rent out in Oxford (Green Ridges) currently so DM me if you do end up being interested in that area.
What if you lived near Paddington? Train to each other
Unless you were planning on driving