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Could it have been meant supportively? A friend pointed out something similar to me years ago and I was initially hurt but realized she was right. I worked hard to change my outlook and it’s had a big impact in my quality of life. Not saying that’s the case with you, of course, but maybe she had good intentions and bad delivery of the message.
Yikes OP I’m sorry you’re dealing with a lot. But you have to know it’s irrational to think that the commenter even knew the things you pointed out, so not sure how you could rationally come to such extreme conclusions. Please lean on your support or talk to someone who specializes in exerted parents (I just started this and it’s been amazing!).
Looking for things to be wrong doesn’t mean that there aren’t crappy things that you need to deal with. No one is suggesting that you shouldn’t advocate for your kids or that you shouldn’t address the issues. But there’s a mentality shift from negativity and despair and complaining, to taking care of the issues but not drowning in negativity.
Honestly, maybe you’re not ready to make that mindset shift. If you’re in the thick of it, sometimes you need time to have that shift. But I wouldn’t say it’s a hurtful or ignorant thing to say, if you have a generally good relationship with your MIL.
I say this as a fellow mom of three, two of whom had severe oral restrictions inhibiting their ability to eat coupled with torticollis and CMPA - two things can be true at the same time. Your mental health sounds like it’s in the absolute gutter, and it’s also important to advocate for your kids and get the help they need if you have the resources to do so. I get that your MILs comment may have come across as insensitive, but genuinely, who cares? Take care of yourself and your kid and move on.
Here’s the thing… there’s something about MILs that tend to grind people’s gears. And it’s even worse when you’re sleep deprived and worried about your baby.
Other people won’t feel the same extreme emotions you’re feeling. And it hurts where they’re not immediately in your side.
All of these things are true:
• It sucks that your kiddo isn’t thriving
• It sucks that your MIL gave you unsolicited advice
• It sucks that her advice made you feel like she was invalidating your lived experience.
• It’s possible her intentions were good.
• It’s possible she wasn’t trying to invalidate your experience.
Coach
I had three kids with ties. Definitely recommend a pediatric dentist who specializes in ties over an ENT. Seeing an Ear Nose Throat doctor for something that is wrong with how the mouth functions is like going to a cardiologist for knee problems. If you aren't already doing it, also connect with a chiro for the neck stuff.
What you've described sounds like the baby's oral restrictions have cause tension in her neck resulting in inability to move or control it well. Additionally, time symptoms mimic reflux because the air that is taken in while eating. You should see real progress within a month of getting it fixed.
Came here to say the same thing, though you said it better than I ever could.
My first baby latched great but had terrible colic. The pediatrician said he had slight tension on his tongue but since he latched well he was fine. His neck was constantly tense and had torticollis, leading to his head getting flat because he could only lay on one side. We had to go the helmet route. When it came time for solids, he would puke so easily. The pediatrician said he just had a sensitive gag reflex and it would improve. It never did, we were at a loss on what to do. He could be in the middle of a meal and just start puking. It often was a daily occurrence.
Eventually we took him to his first dentist appt, where he diagnosed a tongue tie, we had it corrected, and he eats like a horse no problem now. He was not surprised he was a colicky baby, he said he likely swallowed lots of air so wasn't actually getting full. When we had our second baby we took him at 2 weeks old and had his tongue and upper lip released, which made a huge difference with latch. I can't recommend getting it checked out enough. We went the pediatric dentist route for both, but we did consult with an ENT for baby#2 and he said the same thing as the dentist. We chose the dentist because of how great he was with our 2 yr old.
The good news is that all 3 of those issues are totally treatable - just keep pursuing doctors/specialists till you find the right fit. As for your MIL, it probably depends on your overall relationship with her outside of that one comment. If she constantly neglects to provide the support you need, it’s best to just ignore her commentary and keep doing what you and your husband think is best for your kids.
Great job advocating for your kid. Whether or not your MIL meant for it to be a dig, take a deep breath and move forward. Focus on things you can control. There’s no use dwelling on her comments. As Mel Robbins would say, let them!