Need advice — i have been a partner 10 years and built a team from scratch. We have been successful. I have taken care of the entire team by giving inflated reviews, high year end ratings, pushing heavily for promotions, high bonus, mobility etc. I have taken a few leadership roles and personally dealing with advanced cancer for my spouse for the past 8 months: I was expecting the team to step up and help. However, they have been drawing clear boundaries and trying to do the minimum. Contd

I am sorry that you are dealing with cancer in a loved one; that is a very hard thing to bear.

That said, based on the information provided, I am going to be honest with you; I don't believe your team is wrong, and think this may be a leadership failure on your part. Choosing to not be honest with the team on their actual performance (you said you were giving inflated reviews), allowing them to become lazy and not travel...you created the mess you are in now. Changing your work expectations now that your personal circumstances have changed definitely seems selfish on your part.

To answer your question:
1. Has your team actually been hitting their goals, or have you given raises and promotions to under performers? If they have been effective, attempting to shove your responsibilities on them because your personal life has changed is inappropriate and incorrect. If they are underperformers, which is basically what you have said here, I am honestly surprised that you have managed to keep your position all this time.

2. What is your goal? It should be to have a high performing team that is also happy with their lives. It sounds like your goal is to make your personal life easier, and again, this is incorrect for a leader.

3. Knowing that things are tough at home and guessing you aren't able to provide cover for your folks while diminishing your role as their leader, you probably only have 1 of 2 options: 1 - go to your leadership and come clean. This will probably result in negative outcomes for you and your team. 2 - Come clean to your team. Let them know you have done them a disservice by promoting people who are not hitting metrics and expectations. You can let them decide if they want to step up or if they would prefer you to ask for help from your leadership. 2 may feel preferable, but you now have multiple points of failure; any of those folks could go around you, and you could be let go.

4. Honestly, my recommendation would be to step down as your personal life seems to be the priority for you right now, and you seem displeased with the job requirements. I would give your successor/leadership a heads up about your concerns on your way out, though, as someone will need to clean up the mess it appears that you have made.

I do wish the best for you and your family.

When staff are babied too much under an everyone gets a trophy policy, when the going gets tough, not enough grit to stand on their own. The selfishness and entitlement is a result of leadership conditioning, on top of the new generation plainly being less motivated and much different than how we rose through the ranks.

Sorry for the personal situation, and not a quick fix to untangle. Maybe consider taking a leave of absence or have a hard reset to go to another firm with time off in between. Prioritize and take care of family first. 10 years at the same firm is a long time and nobody would question it. Good luck.

Op - did you tell your team about your personal challenges. If not, you should. Did you ask them to step up, in clear and tactical ways? Dont expect them to have a crystal ball on your expectations. Tell them what you need and see if they deliver. Hopefully this is just a communication gap…

I am frustrated with travel, taking care of my family and weekend work. Team doesn’t mostly travel and doesn’t work late or weekends. I kind of realized that these people are selfish trying to do what I can wit some new people. Now they are complaining that my tone has changed and I am not available for them etc. I can’t comprehend their expectations.

I am sorry about what you are going through. Not easy. The team dynamics you describe resonate. I also built a team from scratch. The patterns are there, I can see it from your post - my executive coach was right and helped me through this.
1) Access to you is earned. EVEN when you are leaning on them to build. YOU are the vision, the mastermind. Each soldier has a role, including you.
2) Until a person demonstrates they are teachable and coachable do not over pour on the TLC /mentorship. Might be some projection on your end - mine was I was giving them what I always wish I had … but I never asked how they prefer to be led
3) the withdrawal from the initial abundance of TLC can be perceived like a personal attack. Hence they act up. It is a human reaction but you can measure how you interact with team on the front end to avoid this.
4) also, some people solely seek proximity to leadership. They think being close with a founder is all they need to move up. But they don’t want to be led by YOU. That one hurts a little too.

DM me if you want to talk.

I’m sorry for your personal situation. Stay strong. You weren’t trying to bribe your team by giving inflated reviews and ratings, were you? Doing that would not be right. And then expecting them to go out of the way for receiving bribe will be another wrong. At least your team is not “wronging” here… if they are not doing what’s professionally expected, you should provide the appropriate feedback and if not improved, take action. But simply to expect compliance and going out of the way since you provided undue benefits wouldn’t be ethical.

I’m unable to speak to your personal situation. More generally, though, I think we’ve completely screwed the generation following us and so I don’t blame them for a second for ‘setting boundaries’. We expect people to work like we did for what at many firms is a completely different / reduced value proposition.

People in personal life and professional life like you as long as they know they can get something from you. I know there are real loved ones and then there are transactional relationships.

Unfortunately, a lot of work relationships are transactional. I am fortunate enough to have some work friends who will go above and beyond for me and I also know some are good as long as they get something from me.

I would suggest rely on fellow partners and MDs to take care of your accounts while you take care of the family. Yes there is a risk of your accounts getting stolen but there is nothing you can’t earn back but you can’t get the time with your loved ones.

Find one or two people that can lead the team and be in your shoes and then delegate effectively and wisely.

Why is any of this surprising? You gave inflated reviews, undeserved year end ratings, pushed heavily for promotions - and essentially built a low performing team. How can they step up and help when no one apprenticed them on the way to do it?
MD1 nailed it.

Do they know what is going on with your personal life? If they do and they are complaining that you are not there for them, I’m sorry, it sounds like you somehow developed a team of entitled brats. I’m hoping you just haven’t told them the full extent of what you’re dealing with and that when you do, they will step up. I do think, however, you have to be realistic about what you can expect from them. If they are junior, they will hopefully be willing to do whatever is necessary, but they may not have the skills. If that’s the case, you either have to remain involved enough to direct them or find a peer who can step in and lead while you focus on your family.

I’m sorry you’re going through this - and sending many supportive vibes to you and your spouse.