Oldest siblings et al:

How did you get married when your family depended on you?
Genuinely stuck between family duty and future marriage.

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My husband is the eldest and we both went into marriage knowing we both had responsibilities to our parents (I am middle child). When my FIL retired, he moved in with us. It is a balance. My FIL is understanding that as much as we enjoy his company, we need some alone time too so he encourages us to take vacations, date nights etc. Communication is what helps us manage. Allah has blessed us with plenty to be there for the people we want and need to be there for no matter what our income has been over the years.

Also parents aren't just the eldest child's responsibility. Your siblings should also share the responsibilities (whatever they can do).

You will need to be ready to balance things between your family and your wife and the family you build with her. Being there for your parents shouldn't be hindrance to you getting married.

Insha Allah you will find your partner and solution you are seeking soon.

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I’m the oldest sibling and planning on getting married next year. I don’t feel stuck between the two worlds. I support my parents a bit financially but it’s not a problem at all and doesn’t interfere with my other expenses. Is there a reason you are stuck or are having trouble balancing your relationships?

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Thank you iA!

Take inventory of all their needs that you’re fulfilling right now and see what you can delegate to somebody else in the family and what they can take accountability for on their own. Unless they have major disabilities, I’m sure there are tasks they can complete themselves and you don’t need to “baby” them.

You need to establish some boundaries or else you’ll be overwhelmed in your marriage and you may be infringing upon the rights of your future wife, which you’ll have to speak to on the day of judgment. Make sure you plan things out first with your family before you jump into a serious relationship or marriage. You deserve to be your own person too and not just your roles you’re graciously fulfilling for others. While it’s admirable to help out your parents, it shouldn’t take away this much from your own life and jeopardize your chance at a healthy marriage.

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My hubby is eldest siblings, I respect how he looks after his family, his widowed mum, siblings , evem extended family. He also looks after me and the kids and Allah increases his rizq constantly Alhamdulillah. Dont be worried. Allah will expand your rizq. Both are Amana for you

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