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Anyone in FAANG Austin ?
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Respectfully, you probably have too much trauma from your own and are projecting.
Honestly it's nothing like planning your own wedding.
It's showing up and getting hair and make up done , wearing a dress, and posing for photos.
It really will not be that much different than being a regular wedding guest.
You can skip a bachelorette bc your preg.
Being a bridesmaid sucks, but it’s 12-16 hours of your life. If you’re pregnant, feel free to opt out of the destination bachelorette (if applicable).
Our lives aren’t meant to be comfortable 100% of the time. Sometimes you do things for family that you don’t want to do. Just be a bridesmaid.
Just be a bridesmaid on her big day. You’ll likely not have to do much since you’re planning on being pregnant. But your SIL wants you next to her on her wedding day. Support and love her. This day is about her, not the trauma or exhaustion you experienced planning your own wedding.
Your excuse is so selfish and pathetic. Grow up and be an adult!
Rising Star
Suck it up… you made your own wedding draining, you should not make others suffer for your own choices. You can opt out of specific events, especially if you’re pregnant - but you have no idea if you’ll be pregnant or not (it took me 5 years to have my first), so using that as a preemptive excuse is weird.
Show up for your family, and only sign on to do the bridesmaid tasks that seem 100% necessary. Don’t put a rift in your growing family because of your own selfishness.
Everyone wants a village. But no one wants to be the village
I had hyperemesis throughout my whole pregnancy, traveled from London to Boston for my friends bachelorette weekend when I was 31 weeks pregnant and showed up for Christmas at my in-laws in France when I was 33 weeks pregnant. You show up for people you care about and make it work. You sound really self-centered.
Thanks McK1, but not looking for you to police what I say or don’t say about my personal experience as a pregnant woman. I only spoke about myself and never said anything about anyone else, any other pregnant women can and should make whichever decisions are best for them and own their decisions either way.
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Thank you for the thoughtful and not so thoughtful responses ladies. To clarify, I didn't receive any help from my in-laws during my wedding and since they live the closest to us, it would have been great to have some support. But they showed up, partied, and left and when it was all over while my husband and I did literally everything on our own. Yes, I tried to delegate. So this, in addition to my SIL being a menace on my own wedding day is partly why I have no desire to be present for her in that capacity on her special day. My husband did have a conversation with her about her behavior towards me on our wedding day but she's never formally apologized. Anywho, out of the love I have for my husband, I will be present and smile through it; but I really hate the negative stigma around declining an invitation to be a bridesmaid. Truly think ppl should feel more empowered to say no.
Chief
Good grief, ladies. Learn when to walk away.
Rising Star
It’s your SIL FFS
Chief
It’s nice she asked. You can be an honorary bridesmaid, you don’t have to accept any errands or attend any of the events if you don’t want to. Let her know in advance not to rely on you for those things, esp since you’re pregnant.
Hopefully she won’t be one of those entitled brides who expects free labor from bridesmaids. She can pay an assistant.
Conversation Starter
risk being due close to her wedding date where I assume I'll be my biggest or going through postpartum. As a last ditch effort, I told her that I don't need to be in the wedding just because my husband is in it, but she didn't budge and seems to genuinely want me to be present on the day off since we're "family." If I didn't have such a bad experience planning my own wedding, I would probably be more excited to be apart of her's, but I honestly just want to exist and be a guest and chill without doing the whole bridesmaid thing. What would you do in this situation?
Chief
Sorry people on here are being unkind. I think the pregnancy is a very valid reason to bow out. You may have to actually drop out and fitting in a dress you had to buy months ahead of time may be an issue, or nursing/caring for a newborn. Offer to do a reading or participate in some other way, but just tell her that even though she isn't, you are not comfortable with the risk that you might negatively impact her day. She may be relieved. Depending on how you presented it the first round, she may have felt the need to say, who cares I still want you in the wedding. Or, said it without thinking it through. Since you aren't close, this may be a tightrope walk for both of you.
Since this is your husband's sister, I would also consider talk to him about it and asking him to address it with his sister, or if his mom is still around have him chat with her. I see this as a mim chat.... honey, I know you want to include Susie in the bridal party, but.........
He knows the family dynamics better than you. You're a team now, utilize all the players. If family dynamics indicates you should do it, then agree to do it and they can deal with a pregnant or nursing bridesmaid...or a late date drop out. You warned them.
Pro
Why dont you just tell her what you wrote here, and say that youre still happy to join in for x,y,z (eg bach, dress shopping - whatever youre actually ok doing)? Your “last ditch effort” makes it seem like you dont want her to feel pressured to have you, its likely not clear that you dont want to be a bridesmaid
Personally, i would be a bridesmaid bc my husband’s fam is so clearly extending a loving hand to me, but just be clear in communicating what i can and cant do