We have a 4 y/o that is having a really hard time with bedtime lately. 1.5-2 hr bedtime routines, tantrums, etc. It’s draining. Any tips from parents that have seen it and made it through to the other side?

My 4 yr old just went thru the same thing. Bribes, threats, explaining calmly before hand, absolutely nothing worked. What finally helped was committing to a few days where several things worked together: 1. Calm but consistent walk backs to bed every time.
2. We told him that 7 days in a row of a “good” bedtime routine would mean he could get anything he saw and wanted from Target (felt risky, but he ended up choosing a $30 toy😅).

We tracked it with a fun sticker chart each morning. We are still not 100% back to normal, but bedtime is down to about 35-45 mins now. Patience and consistency were really the only options we had.

Melatonin. I know it’s probably frowned upon by some, but as long as it’s a kid-friendly dose, it can work like magic. I’ve done this with both my kids at one point or another (now 9 and 5), and it was a game changer. They are both perfectly fine 😉

Set a routine. Don’t stray from it. Maybe make a simple picture chart with the routine and walk your child through it before it starts. “We’re going to put on our pajamas, brush our teeth, use the toilet, read a story, lights off, sing a song, count to ten, then it’s eyes closed and door closed.” Say it, repeat it, live it.

Also, use melatonin at a consistent time every day for a few days to kick start it. Maybe just before putting on pajamas? I would not make a habit of it for every day, but we give our kids melatonin occasionally when it’s been a stressful day or whatever. And it really helps take the edge off.

What time do they wake up, do they nap, and what time is bedtime? Also any new changes with a new sibling?

Routine. And being willing to say “No, this is not acceptable.”

What’s a 2 hour bedtime routine? If they’re refusing to brush teeth, or read a book, or whatever, then drop them in bed, turn off the light, and leave.

That said- you may want to work on emotional regulation stuff. “Sometimes it’s hard for me to stop crying, do you ever feel like that?”



(lol at the parents suggesting melatonin. …not the best strategy long term, IMO)

We went through a similar phase. My kid had to drop her nap and we moved up bedtime 1.5 hours. It’s still a struggle some days, but now bedtime routine is around 30 minutes and without major tantrums. When she is over-tired, we move up bedtime even earlier.

Look at connection as well. Does the child have time to connect with you? The times my daughter delays bedtime is when we don’t have a chance to connect during the day. I’ll go in tell her that’s hard that I love her and that I’ll give her the biggggest hug. I let her tell me whatever she needs even if it’s some random fact from school. Make sure nap is cut. And let them play with stuffies with lights out.

Make sure they’re not getting screen time or anything overstimulating after dinner at all. After dinner is calm play read or whatever time but NO screens so they can wind down

Make sure they aren’t napping

My daughter started using nighttime melatonin gummies with my granddaughter a few years ago and it works pretty well. I don't completely agree with it, but it's her daughter. With my own children, they were always exhausted at the end of the day from playing or just keeping them moving so I rarely ever dealt with issues. I would suggest a half hour prior to bedtime, find a routine that prepares them. Such as reading, brushing teeth, turning off the electronics, cleaning up toys, or anything that could signify the end of the day. And stick with it for a week or two. It's not gonna happen overnight obviously, but it'll get better, trust me. Hang in there.