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I didn't take my husband's last name. He understood my point of view, and it didn't bother him. We also hyphenated our last names for our daughter. You could suggest that.
Tell him if he can carry them 9 months and push them out, he can give them his name. 😆
I 100% agree with keeping your name, especially after the time invested building your career. I have no problem using my husband's last name for reservations or being called Mrs. because I am his wife. But no way I was legally changing my name at age 34 after being known professionally by that name for many years. Also, I love my last name and my own family heritage behind my name, and I was not interested in changing my DL, passports, bank accounts, etc.
Patriarchy is a hard habit to break.
I see more and more women changing their name legally, but keeping their maiden surname at work to avoid this dilemma. I never understood why someone would be willing to go through all that paperwork, despite being unwilling to give up their identity and reputation.
I think it's a lot more interesting to see how the idea of a new family name (could be a hyphenated version of both surnames or something totally unrelated) for both partners is discussed. Both partners do the paperwork, both change their name, both have the same surname as the children. It's not practical, but tends to reveal how some men insist on partners changing their name, but are not willing to do the same.
I'm in the same situation as Researcher 1.
My spouse and I both kept our last names, and our child has a hyphenated last name (his first).
We both have PhDs, and in his family, it’s actually common, his mother and brother’s wife also kept their names. [My sister-in-law doesn't have a PhD, but his mom and brother do.]
What stood out to me in your post is the phrase: "Why is it always assumed…?"
So from my situation I can tell you, that it is NOT always assumed. Perhaps it is assumed by the people you are surrounding yourself with.
Now is the time to look at that assumption and the implications it will have on your life and your child(ren)'s lives. Best wishes! Let us know what you decide!