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Thank you for sharing. The only advice I believe is appropriate is for you to work through this with your husband. I have an opinion but I am not a partner in your marriage. I am married and the way finances are managed in my marriage may be different than yours. It is my hope that you are able to resolve in a manner that brings you both closer together rather than further apart.
I don't understand keeping finances separate when you're married. It's all the same money at the end of the day. Your debt is his debt and his debt is your debt. You should be a team. So do whatever helps both of you pay off your debts the fastest.
My husband's doctorate degree is going to cost us 170K. I earn about twice what he does and we have been saving for about four years to prepare. It's a 3 year program and two of those I'll be the only one working. But it's not HIS fee to pay, it's ours. When he makes more than me, it will not change how we share our finances. I think you both need a shift in perspective more than anything. And you should be communicating about all your debts and purchases so you can be aligned.
I had have walls opened up, carpets pulled up, the roof of cause thought it was a perfect time to start leaking, so had to replace the roof, there were so much cost to turn over the property, including paying that mortgage myself while trying to rent it out. I ended up spending close to $45k when it was all said and done to get the home back to being habitable. My husband during the year added me to his health insurance and picked up that additional cost. Once I got back to work at the end of the year, I reimbursed him for it as he mentioned he’d over drafted his account at times during the year because of that extra expense he paid for my health insurance.
Anyway, towards the end of the year, he said we will need to file separate because he took money from his 401k and needs to pay taxes on it. We’ve done our taxes. He owes $2,630 in taxes. He said he took the money out to pay his debt/bills. I have upward of $15k on credit cards and looking to use my refund of $4,400 to help pay that down. These are the refunds if we file separate. He now wants us to file joint which will result in about $2,620 of a refund and thinks that should be it. I should absorb his tax payment. I disagree. He didn’t even discuss taking the funds out which is fine that’s his money. But to now think I should essentially pay his taxes on it, rubs me the wrong way. I have suggested he gets to reduce his tax debt by the gain of filing joint ($825) but I think he should give me the difference so I can pay down my credit card. Otherwise, we can file separate. He thinks this is beyond the pale, that I’m nickeling and diming him! But he knew he’d have a tax bill for the money he took. I’m confused. AITA?
Exact reason why I’ll never mix money with my husband. He doesn’t have the same discipline that I do so it doesn’t allow us to blend in that area. We fill separately because he made bad choices for years on his w4 and always owes. He takes responsibility and says he’d rather me get something versus paying for his mistakes. I wouldn’t have it any other way.