All my friends seem to be getting pregnant so easily, and here I am, trying for 1.5 years with only a chemical pregnancy loss at 5 weeks. I go to baby showers, and as much as I want to celebrate, I can’t help feeling guilty that I’m not able to truly bless them with my own joy. It’s a mix of hope, sadness, and frustration. I’m about to start IVF, and honestly… I’m scared. I just wish I could quiet the fear and hold onto hope at the same time.

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Hi there! Totally get it - unfortunately this is the only group that gets it. There are so many people out there who don’t know what it’s like to feel this way, and how their pregnancies are full of innocent joy and dreams.

I know it’s tough and the only thing that keeps me sane is knowing that it is not a zero sum game. Them getting pregnant doesn’t mean you won’t get to. Try to keep hope and celebrate all the positives in this journey. It’s an achievement. To do this along with a job and coming out of this sane.

I’m happy to DM but IVF is a great option and I’m praying you get the success you wish in this journey.

I’m a fellow IVFer and speaking to other people in the journey esp those with success has kept my hope alive.

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Another IVFerr here! Can tell you that once you get pregnant all these feelings will vanish

Meanwhile stay positive and know the IVF tech has leaped forward so much in the past 5 years, so your odds are very very good.

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Hello there - went through my second loss which was also ectopic and frankly a downright nasty experience. Started feeling exactly the way you are right now - planning baby showers, buying baby gifts. It’s kind of like autopilot at this point. But I did do a lot of internal work - leaning into therapy and spiritual work. Focus on the end goal - a baby! How we get there will be less important. Sure we won’t get to be supper chilled about it or have cute reveals and yes we definitely will be scared till the baby is in our arms. But we will do our absolute VERY best and leave everything to GOD. I recently read this and loved it - As long as the dice is still rolling, you will get your six. For now, we clap for others and show love!

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Yes, it’s tough to see people having babies around you when you haven’t had luck with fertility. What I suggest is focusing on what is within your control. This means getting to the root cause(es). of the infertility and seeing if there’s anything you can do to improve your chances of having a successful pregnancy. We are also going through IVF and it’s a roller coaster of a process. For sure get yourself a good therapist that can help you deal with all the emotions involved.

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Kudos to you for being willing to go to baby showers. It's totally ok if you don't grace your friends at their baby showers with your presence during this time. IVF is one of the biggest tests of fortitude, but many if not most people come out of it with a baby, and IMO the struggles make you appreciate it even more. Hopefully someday you will have your own baby shower and it'll feel like you've made it right where you want to be. Best of luck to you!!

likeuplifting

Ivf

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