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That's kind of messed up! I would suggest 'talking to him', but I'm sure you've done that, so I'd urge you to have a conversation with him about meeting a therapist... that way, he'll get to hear a third person's perspective and hopefully shift his mindset about this. It's very unfair that you have to carry the big weight in every walk of life. Your husband should be able to see and understand that even without you trying.
If you are also working, then this isn’t sustainable. Hire a cleaning service, babysitters as needed, a meal prep subscription. Yes, the burden of coordinating this, along with things you can’t outsource, fall on you if hubby won’t step up, but it’ll help. If hubby balks at the cost, then that’s a conversation to be had. This old school “division of labor” mentality encourages resentment and can be so destructive to a marriage (I know firsthand). Good luck.
Yeah, if you were a stay at home mom with no job, sure.
Every relationship has roles (throuples, too).
My partner works half the hours I work most of the year (I'm in public accounting still). But our roles don't change because I work longer hours. I think our relationship is healthy even if I do more housework.
The reason I don't mind the additional housework is because I see that as my role. If I stop fulfilling that role and need help from my partner at times, there's no resentment on my end. My partner is happy to help when I ask as well.
His role is to protect me, drive me around, take out the trash, walk the dog at night, pay most of the bills, and plan our budgets.
I save my money, keep our apartment clean, and prepare most of our meals.
First, I'd think about the role YOU want to fulfill. Would you rather not be a homemaker and be a professional queen instead? Tell your partner so.
Let him decide if he wants to fill the homemaker role instead, or if you two should hire a cheap housekeeper.
Ok if you don’t want children then that’s a different story. “set” roles are great! But when you have children, flexibility is key in a relationship. Idc what roles you sit and jot down on a peace of paper. Both mom and dad have to be prepared to be flexible and adapt.
Your feelings are valid.
What I've seen is wives choosing divorce because they are exhausted from essentially working 2 jobs. Also, I've seen (research shows) that when wives no longer can fulfill the primary caregiver role (specifically due to illness), husbands leave.
Unfortunately, it's rare that men, that think like your husband, actually change their thinking. Good luck 🫂