{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Did you ever have thoughts of divorce within the first year of your child’s life? This has been so difficult (not parenting, but managing our marital issues) and even with therapy it has not gotten any better.", "post_id": "61d8469a91fa070026a6feab", "reply_count": 8, "vote_count": 2, "bowl_id": "599aea2d2a4d83001641590b", "bowl_name": "Consulting Dads", "feed_type": "bowl" }

Did you ever have thoughts of divorce within the first year of your child’s life? This has been so difficult (not parenting, but managing our marital issues) and even with therapy it has not gotten any better.

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I bet 100% this has to do with post partum. I don’t have any good advice except that we’ve ALL been there, and that it gets better. Ummm it might take two or three years to get better Friend participation helps a LOT. See if her family can come over. See if her friends can come hang out. See if you can both get breaks. Consider sleeping in different rooms just for space; nothing wrong with that

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Yah many times. I think what helped was to go back to our marriage contract ( we had a really long funny one). I’d usually go back and read it couple of times a month to remind myself why I got married with my wife in the first place. When time gets tough it’s helpful to look back at the reasons you fell in love with her. Pain is sometimes temporary and you both will get through it

likeuplifting

From “Creating your perfect family size” by Alan Singer.

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First year parenting is damn near impossible in our society. First year parenting in a never ending pandemic while still having a happy marriage that doesn’t sometimes look like divorce is imminent is legitimately almost impossible. It gets better and it’s ok to acknowledge it is stupid hard and that things will suck for a while. You got this.

uplifting

Thank you!

I think everyone has some semblance of this. The first year is hard- you have a kid that demands everything from the two of you, between work, kid and sleep there is little time for each other. Focus on doing little things to make your relationship incrementally better. Give your wife/husband time to sleep in and bring them breakfast. Most importantly remember that you now have a kid and divorce will f-them up son now the two of you have to fix things. Also talk too your friends, give each other an afternoon to get out alone etc. Things get better. My first newborn was the hardest time of my life- it will get better and better from here.

Thanks SM1 - my wife is really weird about opening up to friends about these kinds of stressors, and bc of that I’ve felt like I can’t talk to anyone about it. This weekend I’m going to open up and confide in my long time friend about it. Just need to air these things out or I’ll go insane.

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